Religion and Ethics Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Anchorman on August 10, 2015, 11:05:33 PM
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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you do not know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.
AN IRISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One of them is a horse.
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A Scottish cattleman.
You have a herd of highland cattle. You expect London to pay for their upkeep and have their milk delivered to your door daily. And to collect and pay you for their manure.
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A Scottish cattleman.
You have a herd of highland cattle. You expect London to pay for their upkeep and have their milk delivered to your door daily. And to collect and pay you for their manure.
Canadian cattleman - you have two cows but you cannot work out how to milk them so you sell them to the Americans.
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Silly Matty,
American feedlots buy feeders not Canadian dairy cows. It would be a great ride to watch you milk a steer. Too funny you.
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A Scottish cattleman.
You have a herd of highland cattle. You expect London to pay for their upkeep and have their milk delivered to your door daily. And to collect and pay you for their manure.
And you know that for a fact do you? ::) What have the Scots ever done to offend you so badly?
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Dear Jim,
How the Scots Invented the Modern World.
We buy two cows and invent a new way of turning milk into alcohol. :P
Gonnagle.
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A Welsh cattleman
You have two cows but no milk, because both cows have leeks in them.
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Dear Jim,
How the Scots Invented the Modern World.
We buy two cows and invent a new way of turning milk into alcohol. :P
Gonnagle.
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Nah;
We award a research grant to any university which is willing to investigate the possibilities of deep fried milk! :D
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English cattleman:
Can't afford the cows so they get put in a country park. England buys milk from France.
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Nothing floo, just like America has done nothing to you. Scotlandshire is great, in fact I liked it better there than Wales and that's a fact!
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Nothing floo, just like America has done nothing to you. Scotlandshire is great, in fact I liked it better there than Wales and that's a fact!
I am sure the Welsh posters on this forum with be mortally offended! ;D
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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
....
Old ones often remain the best ones.
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English cattleman:
Can't afford the cows so they get put in a country park. England buys milk from France.
Weird, isn't there a large milk surplus, hence all the farmers protests about getting 10p per litre less than it costs to produce? Maybe it is even cheaper from France?
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Socialism
You have two cows and the government forces you to give one to your neighbour who won't get off his big, fat, lazy, butt and get a job.
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Socialism
You have two cows and the government forces you to give one to your neighbour who won't get off his big, fat, lazy, butt and get a job.
;D
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Socialism
You have two cows and the government forces you to give one to your neighbour who won't get off his big, fat, lazy, butt and get a job.
Libertarianism
You can only have one cow because a capitalist is shagging the other.
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The Matrix.
There are no cows!
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corbinism
You have a herd of perfectly good cows, but decide to ignore them and start nationalising things.
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Cameronism - You promise to deliver perfectly good cows - but end up delaying their arrival until 2020.
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Taliban corporation
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan “countryside” and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels and the Jews.
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Antitheist Corporation
You have Two microorganisms
You wait for them to evolve, unsupervised by any god or gods,
into Cows.
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Theist Corporation,
Sits back watching the anti-theist's micro-organisms closely in order to be able to claim that any evolution that occurs is not natural or scientific but the will of their god despite there being absolutley no evidence to show his/her involvement.
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Jedi corporation.
You have two cows.
These are not the cows you are looking for.
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Storm-trooper Corporation
We had two cows and are now combing the desert hoping to find them before Mel Brookes does.
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Spanish Inquistion
You have a cow: Daisy... Daisy and Buttercup... Buttercup and Daisy.... Your two cows are Buttercup and Daisy...and Ermentrude.... Your three cows are Buttercup, Daisy, and Ermentrude...and an almost perfect Hereford named Hope.... Your four...no... Amongst your cows.... Amongst your cows...are such beasts as Buttercup, Daisy...
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Vlad
You have two cows.
Wait, they're actually bulls and they shit everywhere.
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Jedi corporation.
You have two cows.
These are not the cows you are looking for.
Applaud
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Vlad
You have two cows.
Wait, they're actually bulls and they shit everywhere.
Bulls?
I hear you enjoy milking them, Jeremy.
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Schrodinger's cows
You have a cowshed. It is locked. You may have two cows in there or you may not.
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Heisenberg's Cows
You have two cows.
You know where one of them is. You know how fast the other was going when it left.
O.
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Pauli's Cows
You have two cows.
One of them is in a field. When the other enters the field, one of them turns into a sheep.
O.
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Pauli's Cows
You have two cows.
One of them is in a field. When the other enters the field, one of them turns into a sheep.
O.
Einstein's cows,
you have two cows in a field. You take one of them for a trip and when you get back you find that the other one has died of old age.
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The BBC
You have two cows.
You distribute fresh milk to all in the village.
The mayor is mates with a man who is unsuccessfully trying to sell powdered milk substitute (contains vegetable fats), so he has your cows slaughtered.
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Donald Trump
You met two women, you call them cows
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Andy Burnham
You have two cows, even though you have always been opposed to ownership of cows, and were opposed, when you bought them
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The BBC
You have two cows.
You distribute fresh milk to all in the village.
The mayor is mates with a man who is unsuccessfully trying to sell powdered milk substitute (contains vegetable fats), so he has your cows slaughtered.
Absolutely spot on....It's incisiveness such as this which has commanded my enduring support and approval for Jeremy.
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The BBC
You have two cows.
You distribute fresh milk to all in the village.
The mayor is mates with a man who is unsuccessfully trying to sell powdered milk substitute (contains vegetable fats), so he has your cows slaughtered.
Absolutely spot on....It's incisiveness such as this which has commanded my enduring support and approval for Jeremy.
Even though he refuses to condemn the IRA murderers?
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Even though he refuses to condemn the IRA murderers?
When have I ever refused to condemn IRA murders?
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Even though he refuses to condemn the IRA murderers?
When have I ever refused to condemn IRA murders?
Hopefully, you are not of like mind with Corbyn's view!