Friendship thread missing??

[Bubbles]

Hi

Not sure why Sassys thread has gone?  This is my reply though

Mods?  Did someone delete it by mistake?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My answer for Sassy

But I find it harder to find people I bond with.

Most people are too busy with their own families, work commitments, partners etc.

When you are a child, it's different.

You are free to meet on a one to one basis and have the time to pursue interests without commitments getting in the way.

I have found some people only seek you out when for some reason it suits them, as in ulterior motive. As soon as that is sorted they drop you.

But that's life I guess.

Internet friends are transitory as I think to be real friends you need to share some real life experiences.

The internet is short on those.

A friend to me is someone who still likes and bothers with you when you are disorganised ,  untidy , skint and at your worst.
It's someone I can trust to accept me as I am.

You just don't get that really on the Internet.

[Sassy]

Hi

Not sure why Sassys thread has gone?  This is my reply though

Mods?  Did someone delete it by mistake?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My answer for Sassy

But I find it harder to find people I bond with.

Most people are too busy with their own families, work commitments, partners etc.

When you are a child, it's different.

You are free to meet on a one to one basis and have the time to pursue interests without commitments getting in the way.

I remember that all so well, carefree and without hassle. No worries to keep you down.
Friends do become busier with their own lives and I know that only too well.

I have found some people only seek you out when for some reason it suits them, as in ulterior motive. As soon as that is sorted they drop you.

But that's life I guess.

It is true, they use you as a stepping stone sometimes and it becomes a personality contest.
They get what they want and then they dispose of you.

Internet friends are transitory as I think to be real friends you need to share some real life experiences.

The internet is short on those.

I have friends and still do. Some I miss because they  move on having been badly treated and unaccepted by others.
I hope they found better things in their lives.   There are those who are friends till something gets tough and boy is the dust everywhere. Cough. Splutter... where did they go? Laughing here...

A friend to me is someone who still likes and bothers with you when you are disorganised ,  untidy , skint and at your worst.
It's someone I can trust to accept me as I am.

You just don't get that really on the Internet.

You just described my friend Dave... LOL! Not so much skint now...

  I have to admit I found atheists  on an old forum the best ever on the internet.
They helped me with a site I once had and they were hilarious when they got chatting together as guys do.
One Guy on one site was even honoured to get a phone call about me. Not kidding... they called the guy up as they thought it was me.
I guess the male voice just could not be disguised. The things the person said were not quite nice about me.
But they told me about the conversation and I felt I learned something new everyday. But the guy did not have to tell me but he did. I don't take it seriously. I still post with the guy who made the call and he had no idea that the man he spoke to told me all about it. But it could be untrue too. So I never take anything seriously I am told.

It is good, if you have one good friend. Joking aside and not wishing to make this part of the Topic.
I always found God has my back.  I can deal with what I can see but he deals with that which I cannot see he has my back..

[floo]

Unless you have actually met a person in reality and got to know them it is impossible to ascertain what they are really like.

Over the years I have actually met up with a few people I first came across on-line.  With one exception they were nothing like the way they presented themselves, and I certainly could not form a real friendship with them.

[Brownie]

Over the years I have thought I'd like to meet some fellow posters but never have.  I wouldn't now, I think it's quite probable that if I met someone in real life, we'd find we had nothing in common and it would be awkward.  Most live a long way away from me anyway but years ago there were some in and around London and a meet up was proposed, just didn't happen.

Floo, our lovely mutual friend from Florida invited me to go and stay with her.  She won't mind me saying this I'm sure, she invited me openly on the forum, saying she thought it would do us both good.  Well I am not going to travel all that way for a start!  Years ago I might have done so but in recent times I haven't liked being far from home - or at least I have to know I can get home fairly quickly and at short notice.  I was extremely touched by her invitation but, honestly, what would she and I have to talk about for any length of time and what would I do there? I know I'd have spent the whole time dying to come home.  I explained this to her, she was actually surprised (which illustrates that we don't really know eachother on forums), but she understood.

It's quite different talking with someone on forums.  We have cyber friends that we look forward to engaging in conversation with but they are different to real life friends.  I've known some who have formed real friendships outside of the internet (just a couple)  - but they've also met people they would not care to meet again!  It sounded like a lot of hassle for nothing.

[Nearly Sane]

I've met 6 people from this board, they were all charming and good company, and I count 2 as good friends. It's a lot easier when you live relatively close by.

[floo]

Over the years I have thought I'd like to meet some fellow posters but never have.  I wouldn't now, I think it's quite probable that if I met someone in real life, we'd find we had nothing in common and it would be awkward.  Most live a long way away from me anyway but years ago there were some in and around London and a meet up was proposed.

Floo, our lovely mutual friend from Florida invited me to go and stay with her.  She won't mind me saying this I'm sure, she invited me openly on the forum, saying she thought it would do us both good.  Well I am not going to travel all that way for a start!  Years ago I might have done so but in recent times I haven't like being far from home - or at least know I can get home fairly quickly and at short notice.  I was extremely touched by her invitation but, honestly, what would she and I have to talk about for any length of time and what would I do there? I know I'd have spent the whole time dying to come home.  I explained this to her, she was actually surprised but she understood.

It's quite different talking with someone on forums.  We can have cyber friends, they may not be our friends that we look forward to engaging in conversation with but they are different to real life friends.  I've known some who have formed real friendships outside of the internet - but they've also met people they would not care to meet again.  It sounded like a lot of hassle for nothing.

If it is the person I think you mean, who still posts on that other forum, on which you still post, she seemed nice enough.

Another Internet Christian 'friend' from Florida, whom I met on a religious forum certainly took me for a ride! I was completely stupid and fell for her sob story, parting with nearly £1000 in US dollars! When she realised no more would be forthcoming she found an excuse to fall out with me on-line!  About five years ago, she had the tenacity to claim she had flown over to London and lost her purse. Would I send her on-line £1,200, like I did, NOT!

[Bubbles]

I think you have to be careful with internet friends.

We all present ourselves in a certain way and I think we reveal things about ourselves we wouldn't on meeting a stranger in RL.

I think people get a different impression from messageboards which is move revealing while being less revealing at the same time about other things.

Sometimes it works, as NS says, and they become real friends, but holding a RL conversation in some ways isn't as easy as typing what you mean.

Here we get to finish what we have to say and are unaware if our audience have glazed over and nodded off 

Real life conversations are not as ordered and involve give and take and interruptions, here we get a little box ( soapbox) of our own 

[Bubbles]

I have heard it said that high functioning autistics find it much easier than holding conversations in RL.

Because of the differences. 

[floo]

I have heard it said that high functioning autistics find it much easier than holding conversations in RL.

Because of the differences. 

You are probably right. My grandson (14) has high functioning autism and spends ages on his train forum of which he is the Admin!

[Brownie]

Floo I am aghast that you sent this woman so much money!  I know both you and I gave money some years ago (others did too), to someone whom we believed had a good cause and turned out not to but that woman in Florida sounds like a terrible con artist.  Anyway we live and learn.  Yes, the lady I talked about is lovely, I'm sure she is lovely too because a couple of others have actually met her when they were travelling, and said so, but they didn't go out there specifically to have a holiday with her for any length of time, which is different.  You have to really know someone to stay in their house for more than a night or so.

Whoever said it is easier when people live nearer to you, I agree.  You can meet them for coffee or a drink or something, no obligation.  Hee hee, sounds like internet dating! 

[Nearly Sane]

Twas I opining about proximity. Of the 6 people i've met, 3 are close by. The crucial aspect to that is if the initial meeting goes well, then it's easy (RL permitting) to arrange further meetings, and to allow the friendship to grow.

[floo]

Floo I am aghast that you sent this woman so much money!  I know both you and I gave money some years ago (others did too), to someone whom we believed had a good cause and turned out not to but that woman in Florida sounds like a terrible con artist.  Anyway we live and learn.  Yes, the lady I talked about is lovely, I'm sure she is lovely too because a couple of others have actually met her when they were travelling, and said so, but they didn't go out there specifically to have a holiday with her for any length of time, which is different.  You have to really know someone to stay in their house for more than a night or so.

Whoever said it is easier when people live nearer to you, I agree.  You can meet them for coffee or a drink or something, no obligation.  Hee hee, sounds like internet dating! 

I am aghast too at my stupidity, so were my family when they discovered what I had done. I never thought I would be taken in, and if she had actually asked me for money I certainly wouldn't have given it to her. However, she was clever, she just spun me such a hard luck tale, I felt I had to help, and gave her the money in lots over a few months! I was invited to give a talk on the topic of Internet scams on a Radio 4 Saturday morning show in 2001, the name of the presenter, now dead, escapes me. I was happy to do it, to warn other people not to be as crazy as me.

[Sassy]

I think you have to be careful with internet friends.

We all present ourselves in a certain way and I think we reveal things about ourselves we wouldn't on meeting a stranger in RL.

I think people get a different impression from messageboards which is move revealing while being less revealing at the same time about other things.

Sometimes it works, as NS says, and they become real friends, but holding a RL conversation in some ways isn't as easy as typing what you mean.

Here we get to finish what we have to say and are unaware if our audience have glazed over and nodded off 

Real life conversations are not as ordered and involve give and take and interruptions, here we get a little box ( soapbox) of our own 

The person Brownie is referring to I post on the same forum with and she is a lovely person.
As for the money lending... I am not sure why someone would fall out over money.
I have met people off the forum in real life. Most have been okay in company of course. But I was particularly disappointed by one. However, we need to remember that everyone has their own particular life stresses. They do not need them adding to.
I follow Gods lead where I can. It is like the lady I am helping to get her electric and water on. She was outside a shop I went into. I felt God laying it on me he wanted me to help her home. I agreed if still there when I went out I would do so.
When I left the shop she called me over and asked me to help her home.
I wheeled her home and the rest is history.

Not internet I know but still a stranger who I knew less about than those I post with.
People should not make others feel bad about themselves. They should not look down on others.

[Gonnagle]

Dear Rose,

Just to say, for me, meeting the person behind the post has been totally positive experience for me, I am trying to figure out if the post and the actual person are very different, so far, the appearance of the person may have been not what I expected but the personality behind the post, yes, spot on, I still remember the first time we met, big cheesy grins all round.

Funny, but Brownie likens it to internet dating, yes chatting on the forum for a few years before we met, it was a long engagement, we got to know each other better before we took the plunge

Gonnagle.

[Brownie]

That's lovely and positive Gonnagle.   I think it is no different to any other internet relationship and if you can meet up somewhere neutral with the idea that you'll be together for a couple of hours, maybe in a restaurant, and then go home, it's safe.

I am still friends with the American lady who invited me over for a holiday.  She understood how I felt, it wasn't personal;  I wouldn't offend her for the world, she's smashing, and I did thank her for her kindness, but I couldn't do it.  I'd have been the same with anyone.  I'm quite shy and would worry that I wouldn't have much to say of interest.  I know that does happen, the conversation dries up and they end up talking about other forum posters which no-one wants - but what do you do if you are meeting a stranger with whom you find you have little in common?

However, it is quite nice and fun sometimes to have cyber friends as long as we remember, even when they are great people as far as you can tell, they aren't real friends like those you may make in RL.

It's true that friendships fade as you get older, especially when you retire.   It's much the same at first but after a few months it tails off.  There may be the odd card on special days, maybe even a 'phone call once in a blue moon.  It actually doesn't bother me, I'm content to keep myself to myself but I know of some who find it all very lonely.  We're all different, my idea of loneliness is being with a load of people and feeling as though I'm on another planet, wanting to go home.  It's very tiring too!   

Coincidentally I went into a chemist this afternoon and there was a charity box for a charity which does something to combat loneliness. I'd not heard of it before but it is very worthwhile, if one person is helped and no longer feels sad because neither the doorbell nor 'phone ring, it's a good cause.

[Nearly Sane]

Just to note, i'm one of the people that didn't look like Gonzo's expectations. He had me more ponytail, which has been unlikely for a little while. I am privileged to know him virtually and in real life.

[Gonnagle]

Dear Sane,

I am privileged to know him virtually and in real life.

Ditto, gie us a kiss ya big soppy atheist

Gonnagle.

[Nearly Sane]

Did you see wee Ruthie got engaged, Gonzo? We come along way by those wee steps.

[Gonnagle]

Dear Sane,

Certainly did, can't help but think, there will be a few old Tories chocking on their Malt Whisky tonight The times they are a changing

Gonnagle.

[Nearly Sane]

A few old Tories, Lab, Nats whoever. Even the Kirk moves bit by bit so a gay married minister is also possible.

[Gonnagle]

Dear Sane,

Yes, was reading all about that, who would have thought, Knox must be birling in his grave, something is really happening in the Church, closer ties with the CoE, are the gloves coming off, are we going back to the true message of Christ, I can only hope and pray that we are easing towards a truly all encompassing faith, we welcome all, no matter creed, colour or sexual preference.

Gonnagle.

[Nearly Sane]

And yet there are still steps everywhere


http://tinyurl.com/zmaz6qv

[Khatru]

Over the years I've made quite a few friends online.

We started through forums and moved up to Facebook.