AB,
Of course I have been paying attention. I have been assured that any perceived ability to make my own consciously driven choices are "just the way it seems", and that in the materialistic scenario, every event in my brain is defined by the consequences to previous chains of physical cause and effect, governed entirely by the laws of nature. So it must be nature which is in control - not me.
No you haven't. The yellowness of the lemon in front of you is "just the way it seems". The touch of the keys at your fingertips is "just the way it seems". The sound of the Christian radio station you're listening too just now is "just the way it seems" etc. All these things are constructions the mind makes from sensory inputs - of lightwaves, of air pressure etc. You making unfettered decisions on a whim with no prior causal event are also "just the way it seems". Even a moment's thought would tell you that this is so because there's no alternative - arbitrary, chaotic, random decision-making would be impossible.
At heart here your problem is linguistic. You're hung up on terms like "free', "personal", "I" etc because you think they should have meanings that don't accord with the reality that's being explained to you: "How can I be really free if freedom is bounded by prior events?" etc. These words though (and others) work perfectly well for practical, everyday purposes but don't necessitate universal absolutes - the prisoner bounded by walls so far away he's not aware from them is,
from his perspective, completely free and he behaves accordingly. It takes a deeper, richer understanding of his reality though to see that the underlying story is more nuanced. Essentially you (and everyone else) is that prisoner - you function just as you would if you were "free" in the sense you'd like it to mean and, if you don't think too hard about it, that provides for you your truth. The deeper truth on the other hand is more nuanced, and there's no need to invent incoherent and irrational little men at the controls to make sense of it.