But thinking it through requires consciously driven freedom to control my thoughts.
This doesn't even make sense. How do you decide how to control your thoughts? By thinking about it?
You have a choice in how to react (yes, all choices are reactions) to this post - you can just go back to your thought- and logic-free dogmatic script or choose to concentrate a bit harder on the actual situation.
It needs a deliberate act to initiate the thought process.
It needs deliberate control over the thought process.
Where do you suppose these acts of conscious deliberation arise?
They certainly don't arise by some impossible, self-contradictory process that isn't determined by the past and isn't random. They don't arise in an infinite regress of choosing what you want by what you want to want, and what you want to want to want... They don't originate in a regress of thinking about how to control your thoughts, about how to control your thoughts, about how to control your thoughts...
Thinking is something you really should try sometime.