Although desire (want) appears to be the driving force, thoughts and emotions do arise without consciously wanting them to occupy the attention (consciousness). There can be multiple and conflicting thoughts and desires to select from. Don't you think that some control comes from what focus you give to your attention i.e. you tune out some thoughts and desires and tune in on others. Isn't it this kind of control or manipulation which expands into skills and expertise and loss of control contracts into addiction and compulsion?
Absolutely agree with you that '
thoughts and emotions do arise without consciously wanting them to occupy the attention'. I often make that case myself, that thoughts arise into conscious mind, quite often unbidden.
On the other hand, I don't really buy the idea that there is a 'me' independently selecting from those thoughts, thereby exerting 'control', as if there is a me that is separate from all those thoughts arbitrating independently. Rather the feeling of selfhood is something intangible that arises like a centre of gravity in the midst of all that flux. The thoughts that are 'selected', really are selecting themselves, they aren't being selected by something independent. The thoughts and ideas that get 'selected' are really just the ones that shout the loudest.
This puts me in mind of an episode from last night's Springwatch, which showed a parent bird coming to feed its chicks. Dad didn't decide which chick to feed on some sort of rational basis, but rather the behaviour of Dad was a direct consequence of the chicks' demands for food; clearly the ones getting fed the most were the ones yelling the most loudly. I think that is a useful analogy for the way minds work. Our thoughts self-select and we cannot control which ones shout the loudest.