A wee tribute to this thread hitting 2 Million Views - take that Dr Evil! With appearances from the mad mods, we have 'Alan Burns in Wonderland'
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and Nearly Sane and Gordon were having tea at it: Trentvoyager was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using him as a cushion, resting their elbows on him, and talking over his head. `Very uncomfortable for Trentvoyager,’ thought Alan Burns `only, as he's asleep, I suppose he doesn’t mind.’
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: `Two million views! Two million views’ they cried out when they saw Alan Burns coming. `There’s PLENTY of views’ said Alan Burns happily hoping to have converted someone, and he sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
`Have some wine,’ Nearly Sane said in an encouraging tone.
Alan Burns looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. `I don’t see any wine, I see the blood of our Lord,’ he remarked.
`There isn’t any,’ said Nearly Sane.
`Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,’ said Alan Burn unctuously.
`It wasn’t very civil of you to post without reading other posts’ said Nearly Sane.
`I didn’t know it was YOUR thread,’ said Alan Burns; `it’s posted on by a great many more than three.’
`Your post wants modding,’ said Gordon. He had been looking at Alan Burns for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
`You should learn not to make personal remarks,’ Alan Burns said oleaginously; `it’s very rude.’
Gordon opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID was, `Why is Searching for God like a writing-desk?’
`Come, we shall have some fun now!’ thought Alan Burns `I’m glad they’ve begun asking riddles.–I am a member of Mensa,’ he added aloud.
`Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?’ said Nearly Sane.
`Exactly so,’ said Alan Burns.
`Then you should say what you mean,’ Nearly Sane went on.
`I do,’ Alan Burns fallaciously replied; `at least–at least I mean what I say–that’s the same thing, you know.’
`Not the same thing a bit!’ said Gordon. `You might just as well say that “I see what I eat” is the same thing as “I eat what I see”!’
`You might just as well say,’ added Nearly Sane, `that “I like what I get” is the same thing as “I get what I like”!’
`You might just as well say,’ added Trentvoyager, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, `that “I breathe when I sleep” is the same thing as “I sleep when I breathe”!’