Dementure

[ippy]

I have the kind of mother in-law that if all mother in-laws were like her no one would be able to understand mother in-law jokes, she'll be 92 soon.

Over the last couple of months, it's been so rapid the degeneration, I find it so sad it really hurts, I know something will finnish us all off in the end but this seems to be so cruel, not so much for her.

It's no longer the bright witty person that could demolish me anytime, usually with few words, when I, usually with a little bit of feigned cruelty thrown in, tried to pull her leg.

She can't look after herself anymore, keeps tripping over, isn't safe with anything electrical, doesn't drink or eat unless prompted, can't have a sensible conversation with her anymore, so we're arranging for here to go into care, she is in hospital care at the moment after her second fall in the last couple of weeks, no broken bones thank goodness, she can't even remember that she needs her walking frame to go anywhere.

We see her every day yesterday was better than today good days and the bad, it's not a chore she has always been one of life's sweetest people.

It's something I've never had to deal with before it seems such a cruel way to go for any one to go, whether they're good bad or indifferent people.     

ippy

[Shaker]

Agree with everything there, ippy. Dementia really is one of the foulest and cruellest fates to befall anyone - horrific for the sufferer in the earlier stages when they're still intermittently capable of being aware of it, later on for the relatives as they see their loved one gradually disappear to be replaced not so much by someone as something else.

[Gonnagle]

Dear ippy,

My thoughts are with you, it will pass, hang in their.

Gonnagle.

[Rhiannon]

Ippy, I feel so much for you. The good thing is she's going into care where she'll be safe and well looked after - it took my mum eighteen months before she could get her aunt safely in residential care.

So hard for you and your wife.

[ippy]

Cheers all.

Kind regards ippy

[Shaker]

Keep us posted ipples.

[ippy]

Shouldn't this be in the prayers thoughts and announcements?

Ippy
I'm glad you have found her somewhere where she is safe and well looked after and the stress of trying to look after a loved one is eased a bit.

Sometimes it has to be done, rather than trying to cope alone 🌹

Shouldn't this be in the prayers thoughts and announcements?
 
I appreciate the thought is well meant Rose, but no thanks, I'd rather have it stay here.

ippy

[Aruntraveller]

Oh Ippy - I am so sorry and I know what you are going through.

My mother had a further heart attack 3 weeks ago and this has triggered some vascular dementia for her. She has gone from somebody who was independent in most ways to almost a little girl. She can't remember when to take her pills, can't be trusted with the cooker, can't do her treasured Guardian crossword anymore.

The most distressing thing is that she realises all this currently and finds it very, very depressing. She is 93.

It is so very, very hard to deal with.

My thoughts are with you.

[floo]

Dementia is one if the nastiest of maladies. My late mother had it, and my brother-in-law (82) is a sufferer. We haven't seen him for a few years, but his poor wife, who is suffering more than him because of his condition, says he is totally away with the fairies! I know my limitations and coping with someone with dementia is one of them. My husband would certainly have to go into a home if he ever got dementia, as I have told him.

[Rhiannon]

Trent, that's grim. Poor you, and your poor mum.

[ippy]

Oh Ippy - I am so sorry and I know what you are going through.

My mother had a further heart attack 3 weeks ago and this has triggered some vascular dementia for her. She has gone from somebody who was independent in most ways to almost a little girl. She can't remember when to take her pills, can't be trusted with the cooker, can't do her treasured Guardian crossword anymore.

The most distressing thing is that she realises all this currently and finds it very, very depressing. She is 93.

It is so very, very hard to deal with.

My thoughts are with you.

You've got my sympathy trent unfortunately thats all I can offer, if there is any magic consider the wand waved.

ippy

[Nearly Sane]

Trent, that's grim. Poor you, and your poor mum.

Thoughts are with all dealing with this. This time last year my dad was on the last legs of 2 years of dementia following a stroke. He would get up at 4 in the morning to go to the work he had been retired from for 25 years, he was very worried about getting the paperwork to the office so his pension could be sorted out, he would shout and rail at my mother for the men she was hiding in the bedroom.


When he went into hospital last September after another fall, the doctor talked to my mother about him getting out and they would provide lots of care, but they were never going to be there at night, she would have felt a stranger in her own house during the day. She phoned me on the Friday night to say she wouldn't be able to cope and I told her not to worry he wasn't coming back and that we would sort out that he went into a home. It had taken the two years of her being ground down to get to the stage where the guilt at not being able to look after him was surpassed by the realisation that she could not.

The next day she phones that he had been taken worse and she was going out to see. I jumped on train but the call came in before I as halfway there that he was dead. It was the best thing. He was only a shell of what he had been and part of that was the unpleasant part which seemed to have some strength, probably caused by the fear of what was happening. My mother had done all she could and had the chance not to live the rest of her life worrying and scared.


It is a tragic shattering thing for all. Again my thoughts are with you.

[Rhiannon]

Oh NS. 

Great age isn't always a blessing. Am yet to face this with my parents - my dad is losing his short-term memory but he's more than capable of independent living at the moment. My mum is ok but lives abroad and I wonder how I will deal with any of it as both an only child and single mother.

[Nearly Sane]

Oh NS. 

Great age isn't always a blessing. Am yet to face this with my parents - my dad is losing his short-term memory but he's more than capable of independent living at the moment. My mum is ok but lives abroad and I wonder how I will deal with any of it as both an only child and single mother.

It is never easy but along the way there are laughs because you have to. The last time I saw my dad, my mum and are were visiting in the hospital the week before he died. My mother asked him how he was and he said he had a sore back, she asked if he had enough pillows and had he told the nurses about it, he said yes, he had mentioned it in the night, my mother asked did they give him anything for it, and he nodded and said solemnly, yes, cream doughnuts.

[Gordon]

I understand exactly what this is like, Ippy.

My remaining elderly aunt went into care two years ago, and in an excellent place thankfully, due to vascular dementia - she is 'only' 78.

She was very competent commercial manager who, along with my late uncle, took my brother and in and brought us up following the death of my mother (in 1960, when I was 8 and my brother 5). I really do owe her an immeasurable amount, and whenever I said this to her in later years, when she was still in her prime, she would just say 'don't go there' - she had no kids of her own, so my kids and grandkids were a constant delight to her over the years.

Now I have power of attorney over her affairs and had to sell her beloved house to support her properly, but she doesn't even realise this. She still recognises members of my family but she gets confused about who is who apart from me and Mrs G - so our roles have been reversed, but thankfully she doesn't really understand this since the the 'old' Aunt J would have been appalled at her situation now.

We don't have the person we used to but at least she isn't troubled by it, which is both sad and a relief at the same time: dementia is a cruel illness.

[floo]

I think the topic of devastating illness, like dementia in one's senior years, needs to be discussed with one's partner well in advance of it happening. My husband and I had such a discussion a couple of years before a burst aneurysm trashed the left side of his brain. He made it quite clear he couldn't look after me if I ever became disabled in any way. That wasn't a surprise as he has always left it to the kids to sort me out if I wasn't well. I said I would draw the line if he got dementia. I don't find his present condition always easy to cope with because he won't acknowledge that occasionally I know best where his health is concerned, which leads to some very frank discussions! Thank goodness for my own personal space where I can shut myself away, woe betide him if he invades it!

[Leonard James]

My sincerest sympathy to all who are suffering. Life's a bitch sometimes, but we have to accept it as it is and battle through.

[Gonnagle]

Dear ippy,

First my apologies but your thread is not on the prayer topic.

Yes a slight rant, but it is a fact we are all living longer and with that comes a whole new set of worries.

We need to be shouting at our politicians, it needs to be discussed, we all need to be proactive.

Terry Pratchett before his death mentioned that the same medical research that goes into HIV should be applied to Dementia, as in we can't halt it but medical advances can treat some of the worst effects.

This thread proves that it is something that will impact the majority.

I personally have written to four politicians regarding caring for the elderly, it is easy to do on line.

Gonnagle.

[floo]

I would be quite prepared to assist anyone, who had advance dementia, to die if it had been their wish when in good health, if it was legal to do so. My husband reckons it is not worth living if you have it, and certainly wishes to die he had it. He thinks it would be a good thing if his poor stricken brother died a.s.a.p..

[floo]

It reminds me of that saying "just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean they are not out to get you"


"Delusions are fixed (not easily changed) false beliefs. Dementia often results in paranoid delusions, where there may be a fixed belief that someone is poisoning the food or stealing money."

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/symptomsofalzheimers/a/Paranoia-And-Delusions-In-Alzheimers-Disease.htm

Not sure I'd want to worry the sufferer with the idea I was about to bump them off.
 


Not sure what the answer is, especially if they changed their mind while suffering from it.

Also poor old biddies not knowing what is going on has been used to often to excuse and cover up possible abuse.

I have told my husband I have a pillow especially to do the business if he gets dementia, he says he has the same ready for me too!

[ippy]

Dear ippy,

First my apologies but your thread is not on the prayer topic.

Yes a slight rant, but it is a fact we are all living longer and with that comes a whole new set of worries.

We need to be shouting at our politicians, it needs to be discussed, we all need to be proactive.

Terry Pratchett before his death mentioned that the same medical research that goes into HIV should be applied to Dementia, as in we can't halt it but medical advances can treat some of the worst effects.

This thread proves that it is something that will impact the majority.

I personally have written to four politicians regarding caring for the elderly, it is easy to do on line.

Gonnagle.

Why would I want my post to be put on the prayer topic? But thanks for the well meant post.

ippy