Modern Parenting

[floo]

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[BashfulAnthony]

BA I know you have problems, which is sad, but please don't make such a silly fool of yourself as you are doing on this forum. You really aren't doing yourself any favours at all. You call yourself a 'Christian' yet your responses, which are invariably unpleasant, bring the faith you claim to hold dear into disrepute.

They do not bring my faith into disrepute.. You might argue, they bring me into disrepute, but of course I would strenuously deny that.  I am standing up for myself in the face of some pretty nasty and vicious comment.

And yes, I do have problems, probably more than anyone on this forum. 

[floo]

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[BashfulAnthony]

BA you need to stop and think about the posts your make. Constantly calling people names and being rude to them is hardly a credit to the Christian faith. You get into a strop when others respond in kind, but it is usually you who started the nastiness in the first place.

If Jesus is all you believe him to be, do you really think you are making him proud? As I have mentioned before, three people whom I invited to join the forum were put off by you and a couple of other 'Christian' posters.

I guess I am wasting my time, I don't suppose you will give any heed to anything I have said.

I ask you to re-read my last post.

[cyberman]

As a former teacher, I assure you, I do have, a clue.  I don't know what your personal credentials are, but you most certainly don't appreciate the need for children to attend mainstream schools and to receive a fully rounded education.

I am also a former teacher.
It is not the case that mainstream schooling is the best thing for everyone.
The decision not to send children to a mainstream school is a big one - whether you choose home schooling or a specialist school. Everyone is aware that it has its downsides, but that doesn't mean it is always the wrong decision.

[Rhiannon]

There isn't the funding available in many schools to tackle either dyslexia or Aspergers adequately. That's without the emotional impact of being singled out as 'different'. We moved our daughter because of the cruelty of other children, because they couldn't accept her for who she is.

[BashfulAnthony]

As a former teacher, I assure you, I do have, a clue.  I don't know what your personal credentials are, but you most certainly don't appreciate the need for children to attend mainstream schools and to receive a fully rounded education.

I am also a former teacher.
It is not the case that mainstream schooling is the best thing for everyone.
The decision not to send children to a mainstream school is a big one - whether you choose home schooling or a specialist school. Everyone is aware that it has its downsides, but that doesn't mean it is always the wrong decision.

"Since our countries are so large and our people are from so many different kinds of backgrounds (this was said most recently to me by a Canadian) don't we need some kind of social glue to make us stick together, to give us a sense of unity in spite of all our differences, and aren't compulsory public schools the easiest and best places to make this glue?
Children in public schools are able to meet, and get to know, many children very different from themselves. If they didn't go to public school, how would this happen?
How are we going to prevent parents with narrow and bigoted ideas from passing these on to their children?
If you don't send your children to school, how are they going to learn to fit into a mass society?
If you don't send children to school, how are they going to be exposed to any values other than the commercial values of a mass society?
If children are taught at home, won't they miss the valuable social life of the school?
How are we going to prevent children being taught by "unqualified" teachers?
How am I going to teach my child six hours a day?
How are children going to learn what they need to know?
My greatest concern is that I don't want to slant my children's view of life all through "mother-colored " glasses. . .
I also wonder if I can have the thoroughness, the follow-through demanded, the patience, and the continuing enthusiasm for the diversity of interests they will undoubtedly have.
Most unschoolers seem to live on farms growing their own vegetables (which I'd like) or have unique life-styles in urban areas, and heavy father participation in children's education. What about suburbanites with modern-convenienced homes and fathers who work for a company 10 to 12 hours a day away from home? What differences will this make? Will unschooling work as well?
What if the children want to go to school?"

John Holt.

Difficult to gainsay all that, isn't it?

[Sriram]

Regarding parenting....every parent is different....every child is different ...and circumstances of different families are different.  There is no perfect parent of a perfect child.

However, genuine concern and love for the child will get everything sorted out. 

[Leonard James]

Regarding parenting....every parent is different....every child is different ...and circumstances of different families are different.  There is no perfect parent of a perfect child.

Exactly! That is precisely the situation that evolution has produced, that nothing is 'right' or 'wrong' ... it depends on the circumstances.

However, genuine concern and love for the child will get everything sorted out.

Providing the parents don't over-indulge the child, which many parents tend to do. And the opposite, of course.

Once again, Sriram, we are trying to produce a perfect result with imperfect tools.

[SweetPea]

Regarding parenting....every parent is different....every child is different ...and circumstances of different families are different.  There is no perfect parent of a perfect child.

However, genuine concern and love for the child will get everything sorted out.

Exactly, Sriram; and that's why different parents will have their own way of parenting/raising their children. What is good for one child may not be so good for another. For example, flexibility around bedtime was mentioned in this thread but all my three responded better to a regular routine.

Over indulgence regards material possessions seems a common fad nowadays. Children often appear to be given gifts at every opportunity. Few material possessions are required to gain a happy child; it's another form of 'smothering'.

Genuine concern and love for a child includes giving them space to grow, 'spread their wings' and fly. 

[floo]

There isn't the funding available in many schools to tackle either dyslexia or Aspergers adequately. That's without the emotional impact of being singled out as 'different'. We moved our daughter because of the cruelty of other children, because they couldn't accept her for who she is.

Some local authorities are very good, whereas others are useless like the one where our daughter and family live. Although our grandson with Aspergers is highly intelligent he found class interaction very hard, due to his state of anxiety. His primary school had only 140 pupils, but the secondary school he was due to attend had about 1,500. When his parents enquired about the help he would receive there they were told he would only get it if he started failing where his schoolwork was concerned! Obviously they couldn't risk that, because if he starts kicking off he is hard to control, hence the decision to home school. His brother, who is also very intelligent, didn't seem to be getting the  proper assistance for his quite severe atypical dyslexia, so they decided it would be best to home school him too. Both boys are doing very well and the school inspectors are pleased with their progress. They hope the younger boy will be able to go to a college at the age of 14 which specialises in technical education. The lad would like to be an electrical software engineer like his Dad.

[floo]

Regarding parenting....every parent is different....every child is different ...and circumstances of different families are different.  There is no perfect parent of a perfect child.

However, genuine concern and love for the child will get everything sorted out.

Exactly, Sriram; and that's why different parents will have their own way of parenting/raising their children. What is good for one child may not be so good for another. For example, flexibility around bedtime was mentioned in this thread but all my three responded better to a regular routine.

Over indulgence regards material possessions seems a common fad nowadays. Children often appear to be given gifts at every opportunity. Few material possessions are required to gain a happy child; it's another form of 'smothering'.

Genuine concern and love for a child includes giving them space to grow, 'spread their wings' and fly.

Well said Sweetpea.

[Rhiannon]

With my eldest I rigidly stuck to her bedtime, very often at my own expense - I wouldn't bring her back down again but neither would I leave her to cry. By the time I had my son I had relaxed a lot more about getting it 'right' - if he'd fallen asleep late and wouldn't go down at his normal bedtime I'd bring him back down for a bit so he got tired and I got a chance to have a cup of tea.

Even now I find routine beneficial around bedtime and getting up, even for myself (in adults it's called 'sleep hygiene'). Yes, you can have an hour either way but more than that and things go haywire. It's the holidays at the moment and two of mine aren't sleeping properly.

[Sriram]

Hi Len and SweetPea.

Yes...I agree.  Gifts and even toys don't make much of a difference....as long as the parents or grandparents or someone at home is available  to play with them.  They don't really care about toys....from what I have seen with my children.

Many children even prefer to play with  paper and empty boxes and stuff like that rather than proper toys.

Basically I think its about how much you care on the inside that matters. The child is always able to sense it and feel secure or insecure. 

[Rhiannon]

My children do care about their toys; they aid their imagination and provide a world of escape. For my eldest it was model horses, my middle one still adores Lego and my son his football and model cars. But they don't need lots of stuff, just a few well-chosen things that reflect their interests and personalities.

I still haven't got over the fact that I produced two girls who both hated playing with dolls. I live in hope for the grandchildren...

[Rhiannon]

In general I agree with the idea that children need to be in a school of some kind - my  kids are thriving in a school that focuses on friendship building and tolerance, but then it has the resources to do so - and in this white rural area it is also very multicultural due to the high numbers of boarders who attend from abroad. But with Aspergers that doesn't apply and unless a parent has the wherewithal to fight and fight the odds of the state providing specialist education are slim. Dyslexia also slips through the net - at the school where I used to be governor one child was identified as needing help in reception and finally got it in year 5, by which time he was left stranded in comparison to his peers. In these circumstances I don't think anyone can be blamed for homeschooling.

[floo]

I certainly think that school should be the norm for most children, but for those with special needs one has to think outside the box if the help isn't available or suitable.

[BashfulAnthony]

I certainly think that school should be the norm for most children, but for those with special needs one has to think outside the box if the help isn't available or suitable.

And what specialist help were they receiving at home, that they would not have had in the school environment?

[Leonard James]

I certainly think that school should be the norm for most children, but for those with special needs one has to think outside the box if the help isn't available or suitable.

And what specialist help were they receiving at home, that they would not have had in the school environment?

What is the matter with this guy? Is he as stupid as he makes out to be, or just an attention-seeker?

[BashfulAnthony]

I certainly think that school should be the norm for most children, but for those with special needs one has to think outside the box if the help isn't available or suitable.

And what specialist help were they receiving at home, that they would not have had in the school environment?

What is the matter with this guy? Is he as stupid as he makes out to be, or just an attention-seeker?

Don't be absurd, though I realise that is difficult for you.  And just what is so "stupid" about my comment?  At least I know what I am talking about, with my teaching background, unlike you who seem to have no qualifications in anything.

[floo]

A good teacher needs to treat each child as an individual, not as a part of a group. One size doesn't fit all that is for sure.

[floo]

I certainly think that school should be the norm for most children, but for those with special needs one has to think outside the box if the help isn't available or suitable.

And what specialist help were they receiving at home, that they would not have had in the school environment?

What is the matter with this guy? Is he as stupid as he makes out to be, or just an attention-seeker?

Don't be absurd, though I realise that is difficult for you.  And just what is so "stupid" about my comment?  At least I know what I am talking about, with my teaching background, unlike you who seem to have no qualifications in anything.

At home they get one to one attention, which cannot happen in a class of 30 or more.

Also the teacher in a school is restricted in what she has time to teach as there is a curriculum, at home you can spend more time if the interest is there.

Plus you can teach based on the attention span of the disabled child rather than having to fit in with the school day.

Just a few things.

My home schooled grandsons don't miss out on anything, because of the effort their parents put into their home schooling environment.  Unlike many kids these days they are not cosseted and are expected to take responsibility for their own actions. They have much more freedom than most kids to explore, just as I had as a kid. I wonder how many boys of their age (13&11) can produce a four course meal from scratch, for instance? The eldest has his own bank account and a personal allowance. He is expected to work out his monthly spends and has to buy all his own clothes and shoes. They are being well prepared for adult life.

[BashfulAnthony]

I certainly think that school should be the norm for most children, but for those with special needs one has to think outside the box if the help isn't available or suitable.

And what specialist help were they receiving at home, that they would not have had in the school environment?

What is the matter with this guy? Is he as stupid as he makes out to be, or just an attention-seeker?

Don't be absurd, though I realise that is difficult for you.  And just what is so "stupid" about my comment?  At least I know what I am talking about, with my teaching background, unlike you who seem to have no qualifications in anything.

BA please don't make yourself look any sillier than necessary. You obviously haven't a clue about Aspergers and dyslexia, or you wouldn't make the very stupid comments you are making. Your teaching background obviously hasn't done much for you, I am so very grateful none of my children or grandchildren were subjected to your brand of 'education'.

A good teacher needs to treat each child as an individual, not as a part of a group. One size doesn't fit all that is for sure. You remind me a bit of some of the teachers I had at my elementary school (4-14), they thought along the same lines as you apparently do, and it was not to the betterment of the poor children. The head and deputy head would have been removed from the teaching register if they had been teachers today, and possibly have ended up behind bars as well!

Another ludicrous, ill-informed, post, based only on extremely limited knowledge, and some vitriol.  At least it's more than the usual one-line garbage  -  imo!!

[BashfulAnthony]

I certainly think that school should be the norm for most children, but for those with special needs one has to think outside the box if the help isn't available or suitable.

And what specialist help were they receiving at home, that they would not have had in the school environment?

What is the matter with this guy? Is he as stupid as he makes out to be, or just an attention-seeker?

Don't be absurd, though I realise that is difficult for you.  And just what is so "stupid" about my comment?  At least I know what I am talking about, with my teaching background, unlike you who seem to have no qualifications in anything.

At home they get one to one attention, which cannot happen in a class of 30 or more.

Also the teacher in a school is restricted in what she has time to teach as there is a curriculum, at home you can spend more time if the interest is there.

Plus you can teach based on the attention span of the disabled child rather than having to fit in with the school day.

Just a few things.

And are those home teachers qualified ?  If not, it is a scandal.

[floo]

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