So the snake said to Eve 'g'wan, g'wan, g'wan, eat the apple, g'wan'. And Eve said 'Slither off, you talking serpent snakey thing. ' God saw this and thought 'Bugger that, I had such great plans, the Noah thing with the rainbow as a twee fig leaf for drowning nearly everyone, the Job thing with me old mucker, Satan, and most of all the bit where I sacrifice me to me. This free will thing was a mistake'