Author Topic: Maths jokes  (Read 8187 times)

Rhiannon

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Maths jokes
« on: September 22, 2015, 09:16:56 AM »
The Small Rhis' school are asking pupils to come up with original maths jokes. My eleven year old came up with this:

Last week I ate a pi but I couldn't get to the end of it.

Gordon

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2015, 09:21:10 AM »
The Small Rhis' school are asking pupils to come up with original maths jokes. My eleven year old came up with this:

Last week I ate a pi but I couldn't get to the end of it.

Could have tried rounding the pi - after all most pies seem to be round  :)

Outrider

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2015, 09:31:02 AM »
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

Universes are forever, not just for creation...

New Atheism - because, apparently, there's a use-by date on unanswered questions.

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Shaker

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2015, 10:27:37 AM »
A physics joke but based on the fact that he practically had to invent a new branch of mathematics to cope with the science, it's the only clean one I can summon up off the top of my head.

Blue plaque on the outside of Werner Heisenberg's house: Heisenberg might have lived here.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2015, 11:52:09 AM by Shaker »
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Outrider

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2015, 10:31:05 AM »
Statisticians do it better*

(*on average)

Or the classic:

There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand alternative bases and those that don't.

O.
Universes are forever, not just for creation...

New Atheism - because, apparently, there's a use-by date on unanswered questions.

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Aruntraveller

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2015, 11:49:44 AM »
Maths puns = the first sine of madness
Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

jeremyp

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2015, 03:18:39 PM »
My mate tried to compare the surface of a sphere with the Euclidean plane, but he couldn't find any parallels.
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Owlswing

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2015, 03:38:51 PM »
The mathematicians answer to constipation - Work it out with a pencil!
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Owlswing

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2015, 03:41:27 PM »
A young mathematician named Hall
Had an hexadronical ball
The cube of its weight
Was Pi minus 8
Which is two-thirds of three fifths of naff all!
The Holy Bible, probably the most diabolical work of fiction ever to be visited upon mankind.

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Alien

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2015, 05:44:59 PM »
The mathematicians answer to constipation - Work it out with a pencil!
Or "as a log".
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Owlswing

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2015, 06:11:52 PM »
The mathematicians answer to constipation - Work it out with a pencil!
Or "as a log".

Good old Forefinger tables!
The Holy Bible, probably the most diabolical work of fiction ever to be visited upon mankind.

An it harm none, do what you will; an it harm some, do what you must!

SqueakyVoice

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2015, 06:26:25 PM »
Q - What does the B stand for in Benoit B Mandelbrot?

A - Benoit B Mandelbrot.
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SqueakyVoice

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2015, 06:29:42 PM »
Blue plaque on the outside of Werner Heisenberg's house: Heisenberg might have lived here.
(Also Heisenberg gets pulled  over by the police who ask him if he knows how fast he was going. His response was, "No. But I did know exactly where I was.")
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - D Adams

Sebastian Toe

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2015, 07:06:57 PM »
How do you make seven an even number?

...remove the 's'!

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Sebastian Toe

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2015, 07:12:41 PM »
 The algebra teacher didn't feed his parrot for three days

... all it could say was 'polly no-meal'.


"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
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jeremyp

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2015, 08:32:03 PM »
On my street the houses are numbered 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19 etc

It's prime real estate.
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jeremyp

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #16 on: September 22, 2015, 08:34:14 PM »
We have 3lb, 5lb, 7lb, 11lb steaks.

It's all prime beef.
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Enki

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #17 on: September 22, 2015, 09:02:03 PM »
The algebra teacher didn't feed his parrot for three days

... all it could say was 'polly no-meal'.

Did it die of hunger then...in which case it would be a polygon. ::)
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Owlswing

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #18 on: September 22, 2015, 09:51:06 PM »
You want a really sick Maths joke?

Try the education at just about any modern Secondary School - it really is a joke!

Without a calculator most 18 year olds can't work out the square of 9 nor the square root of 81 - but they still get A's or A*'s. 
The Holy Bible, probably the most diabolical work of fiction ever to be visited upon mankind.

An it harm none, do what you will; an it harm some, do what you must!

Nearly Sane

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #19 on: September 22, 2015, 10:33:00 PM »
You want a really sick Maths joke?

Try the education at just about any modern Secondary School - it really is a joke!

Without a calculator most 18 year olds can't work out the square of 9 nor the square root of 81 - but they still get A's or A*'s.

citation?

trippymonkey

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #20 on: September 22, 2015, 10:33:34 PM »
A's means something belonging to A. It doesn't mean a plural.

Maybe we can diversify to good english grammar now ?!?!!?

Owlswing

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2015, 02:51:30 AM »
A's means something belonging to A. It doesn't mean a plural.

Maybe we can diversify to good english grammar now ?!?!!?

Nit-picker!

You never dropped a clanger? And don't bother lying they are littered all over - just like mine!
The Holy Bible, probably the most diabolical work of fiction ever to be visited upon mankind.

An it harm none, do what you will; an it harm some, do what you must!

Owlswing

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2015, 03:02:35 AM »
You want a really sick Maths joke?

Try the education at just about any modern Secondary School - it really is a joke!

Without a calculator most 18 year olds can't work out the square of 9 nor the square root of 81 - but they still get A's or A*'s.

citation?

Interviewing and testing candidates for jobs in the Accounts department of my last employer.

Other questions on which students with (just for Trippy) As (and this, according to Trippy is how multiple A is written - it looks like the word "As" to me) and A*s failed

What is 12.5% of £ 50.00?

If paid 10% interest per annum how much would £ 50 be at the end 3 years?

It was also found that four out of every five candidates could not accurately crosscast a 12 column 30 line spreadsheet without a calculator, and one out of every ten got it wrong even with a calculator.

It is really a damn shame because they were all good kids whose teachers had seriously let them down by teaching them to pass exams and not how to do maths.
The Holy Bible, probably the most diabolical work of fiction ever to be visited upon mankind.

An it harm none, do what you will; an it harm some, do what you must!

Nearly Sane

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2015, 07:25:24 AM »
Sorry, but that's not a citation that evidences your claim that most 18 year old cannot work out the square root of 81.

trippymonkey

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Re: Maths jokes
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2015, 07:49:49 AM »
A's means something belonging to A. It doesn't mean a plural.

Maybe we can diversify to good english grammar now ?!?!!?

Nit-picker!

You never dropped a clanger? And don't bother lying they are littered all over - just like mine!

Please find one !!

On Your Marks .........