Hope has often talked about how the central point of Christianity is a relationship with God. That is what I believed I once had. A feeling of not being alone. A feeling that God was present. One day that feeling/presence just went. It was not long after this that one of my children had several serious health scares and this is when I called out to God so I didn't feel alone. I didn't want miracles, I didn't need medical rescue - she was in good hands - I just wanted to feel - held. As I had before in good times and bad.
To clarify, I don't think God is an arsehole. I just don't think the Christian God exists.
I didn't 'drop' God. I fought for two, three years, to hang onto my faith. It didn't happen. It wasn't what I wanted.
Things are different for me now. Better. I only need to look at the clouds and I know I'm a part of something bigger, and I feel so small. And that's ok.