Author Topic: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child  (Read 1988 times)

Shaker

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An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« on: January 04, 2016, 11:34:43 PM »
Heather McManamy used to live in McFarland, Wisconsin.

She doesn't live there or indeed anywhere any more as she developed breast cancer and died three weeks ago at the wickedly young age of thirty-five leaving behind a husband, Jeff, and a four year-old daughter named Brianna.

Well aware that she was dying (the terminal diagnosis came in August 2014), Heather wrote a number of letters to various friends and especially family; but in particular she left behind forty letters to her daughter to be read to her and/or by her at various points in Brianna's future. Before she died, however, she left one last general letter to one and all which Jeff posted on Facebook:
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So … I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, apparently, I’m dead. Good news, if you’re reading this, is that you are most definitely not (unless they have Wi-Fi in the afterlife). Yes, this sucks. It sucks beyond words, but I’m just so damn glad I lived a life so full of love, joy and amazing friends. I am lucky to honestly say that I have zero regrets and I spent every ounce of energy I had living life to the fullest. I love you all and thank you for this awesome life.

Whatever religion brings you comfort, I am happy that you have that. However, respect that we are not religious. Please, please, please do not tell Brianna that I am in heaven. In her mind, that means that I chose to be somewhere else and left her. In reality, I did everything I could to be here with her, as there is nowhere, NOWHERE, I would rather be than with her and Jeff. Please don’t confuse her and let her think for one second that is not true. Because I am not in heaven. I’m here. But no longer in the crappy body that turned against me. My energy, my love, my laughter, those incredible memories, it’s all here with you.

Please don’t think of me with pity or sadness. Smile, knowing that we had a blast together and that time was AMAZING. I (expletive) hate making people sad. More than anything, I love making people laugh and smile, so please, rather than dwelling on the tragic “Terms of Endearment” end of my story, laugh at the memories we made and the fun we had. Please tell Brianna stories, so she knows how much I love her and how proud of her I will always be (and make me sound way cooler than I am). Because I love nothing more than being her mommy. Nothing. Every moment with her was a happiness I couldn’t even imagine until she came crashing into our world.

And don’t say I lost to cancer. Because cancer may have taken almost everything from me, but it never took my love or my hope or my joy. It wasn’t a “battle” it was just life, which is often brutally random and unfair, and that’s simply how it goes sometimes. I didn’t lose, dammit. The way I lived for years with cancer is something I consider a pretty big victory. Please remember that.

Most importantly, I was unbelievably lucky to spend over a decade with the love of my life and my best friend, Jeff. True love and soulmates do exist. Every day was full of hilarity and love with Jeff by my side. He is genuinely the best husband in the universe. Through all my cancer crap, he never wavered when so many people would want to run. Even on the worst days you could imagine, we found a way to laugh together. I love him more than life itself and I truly believe that a love like that is so special it will live forever. Time is the most precious thing in this world and to have shared my life for so long with Jeff is something I am incredibly grateful for. I love you, Jeff. I believe that the awesomeness that is Brianna is our love brought to life, which is pretty beautiful.

It absolutely breaks my heart to have to say goodbye. If it’s half as sad for you as it is for me, it breaks my heart over again because the last thing I ever want to do is make you sad. I hope that with time, you can think of me and smile and laugh, because, holy (expletive), did we have a breathtaking life. Go google “Physicist’s Eulogy” and know that it is a scientific fact I will always be with you both in some way. I know that if you just stop and look hard enough, I’ll be with there (in as non-creepy a way as possible). You’re my world and I loved every second we had together more than words.

Friends, I love you all and thank you for the most wonderfully awe-inspiring life. And thank you to all of my amazing doctors and nurses who have taken such incredible care of me. I don’t doubt that my team gave me every possible good day that they could. From the bottom of my heart, I wish all my friends long, healthy lives and I hope you can experience the same appreciation for the gift of each day that I did.

If you go to my funeral, please run up a bar tab that would make me proud. Heck, blast “Keg on My Coffin” and dance on the bar for me (because there had better be a dance party at some point). Celebrate the beauty of life with a kick-ass party because you know that’s what I want and I believe that in a weird way I will find a way to be there too. (You know how much I hate missing out on fun.)

I look forward to haunting each one of you, so this isn’t so much a goodbye as it is see you later. Please do me a favor and take a few minutes each day to acknowledge the fragile adventure that is this crazy life. Don’t ever forget: every day matters.

https://goo.gl/lZDqaD

http://goo.gl/PqAmgT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_H33131r2s

Pain, or damage, don't end the world. Or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back. - Al Swearengen, Deadwood.

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Re: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2016, 01:22:03 AM »
Tragic that she has been mislead into believing going to Heaven upon our bodies death means that she wanted to leave her daughter and go some place else. Also sad that she wants them to pick any religion that they want but obviously not the Christian, Jewish, Muslim and others that teach a Heaven awaits. Sad that she left letters instead of saying some of these things while she was able. She was able to write the letters, why not talk face to face.
Most important things my mother said to me hours before she went to Heaven. And believe me she didn't opt to leave me, but she knew it was her time and she faced it with dignity and assurance of her salvation. Those final words from mom I cherish and I will never forget them.

jeremyp

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Re: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2016, 01:56:03 AM »
Tragic that she has been mislead into believing going to Heaven upon our bodies death means that she wanted to leave her daughter and go some place else.
Tragic that you didn't read the letter properly because that is not what she wrote.

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Also sad that she wants them to pick any religion that they want but obviously not the Christian, Jewish, Muslim and others that teach a Heaven awaits.
Sad that you didn't read the letter properly because that is not what she wrote.

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Sad that she left letters instead of saying some of these things while she was able. She was able to write the letters, why not talk face to face.

Sad that you didn't read the post because that is not what Shaker wrote.

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Most important things my mother said to me hours before she went to Heaven. And believe me she didn't opt to leave me, but she knew it was her time and she faced it with dignity and assurance of her salvation. Those final words from mom I cherish and I will never forget them.

If it comforts you, believe what you will.
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Outrider

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Re: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2016, 09:33:39 AM »
Tragic that she has been mislead into believing going to Heaven upon our bodies death means that she wanted to leave her daughter and go some place else.

It's perhaps tragic that this is how she thinks her daughter would perceive things, but how four year olds respond to reality is a difficult thing to predict. She wants her daughter to be as happy as possible, how can that be tragic?

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Also sad that she wants them to pick any religion that they want but obviously not the Christian, Jewish, Muslim and others that teach a Heaven awaits.

That's not how I interpret what she wrote - she didn't advocate for or against any belief system (or absence of one), she just pointed out that she doesn't conform to any of them, and didn't want people confusing her bereaved daughter after her death.

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Sad that she left letters instead of saying some of these things while she was able. She was able to write the letters, why not talk face to face.

Her daughter's four. She had things to tell the girl that she's not ready for, yet, that's why she left letters. I don't doubt for a minute that she's been talking to her daughter AS WELL - the letters are an addition, not a replacement.

What's tragic, here, is that you've seen this as a criticism of religion in general rather than as a request for consistency in a young girl's time of loss, and have responded by attacking a dead woman's motives rather than seeing someone trying to make the best of a bad situation.

O.
Most important things my mother said to me hours before she went to Heaven. And believe me she didn't opt to leave me, but she knew it was her time and she faced it with dignity and assurance of her salvation. Those final words from mom I cherish and I will never forget them.
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floo

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Re: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2016, 10:27:42 AM »
A very brave lady.

Aruntraveller

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Re: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2016, 10:58:38 AM »
Tragic that she has been mislead into believing going to Heaven upon our bodies death means that she wanted to leave her daughter and go some place else. Also sad that she wants them to pick any religion that they want but obviously not the Christian, Jewish, Muslim and others that teach a Heaven awaits. Sad that she left letters instead of saying some of these things while she was able. She was able to write the letters, why not talk face to face.
Most important things my mother said to me hours before she went to Heaven. And believe me she didn't opt to leave me, but she knew it was her time and she faced it with dignity and assurance of her salvation. Those final words from mom I cherish and I will never forget them.

Tragic and sad that you cannot move out of your little box and respect that others live lives differently and think differently, and aren't confined by the traditional mores of a society.
Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Shaker

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Re: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2016, 12:15:35 PM »
Sad that she left letters instead of saying some of these things while she was able. She was able to write the letters, why not talk face to face.

Obviously you skimmed right over this part:

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... she left behind forty letters to her daughter to be read to her and/or by her at various points in Brianna's future.

The daughter is four years old. A face-to-face conversation about life, about first boyfriends, about getting married and/or having children of her own (which I've heard of other dying people tackling by letters for the far future of their children) probably wouldn't really be much of a dialogue, would it?
« Last Edit: January 05, 2016, 05:40:19 PM by Shaker »
Pain, or damage, don't end the world. Or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back. - Al Swearengen, Deadwood.

ProfessorDavey

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Re: An inspirational letter from a dying mother to her child
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2016, 01:27:59 PM »
Obviously you skimmed right over this part:

The daughter is four years old. A face-to-face conversation about life, about first boyfriends, about geting married and/or having children of her own (which I've heard of other dying people tackling by letters for the far future of their children) probably wouldn't really be much of a dialogue, would it?
That's right.

It isn't uncommon for people who know they are dying to write letters to be read by their family or others at some point in the future - for example at a significant birthday, or wedding etc. And of course these letters might not be understandable by the recipient at the time of writing as they may be too young, but may well be understood and appreciated later at the point at which they are intended to be read.

So my father (died in 2013) has left letters to 4 of his 5 grandchildren to be read when they are 18. The fifth grandchild (the eldest) was already 18 before he died. I have no idea what they say as the next to reach 18 won't do so until December this year, although I know it is linked to a 'coming of age' sum of money he had invested for them prior to his death.

His youngest grandchild (my daughter) was only 6 when he died so wouldn't really have understood a 'welcome to adulthood' conversation that my Dad could have had before he died, but hopefully will appreciate the words and thoughts (as well as the money!) when she eventually reaches 18 in 2025.

This idea even got an airing in Gavin and Stacey, with a letter to Stacey from her deceased father delivered to her by Uncle Bryn on her wedding day.