'Soul' is just a label, a useful shorthand for the non-material us we perceive. It's as good a term as any, like 'spirit', but the idea that it is a 'thing' is unproven and, to me, illusory.
See the PRIDE of SELF...
IS UNPROVENAND, TO ME, ULLUSIONARY....
UNPROVEN what is non-material about a soul and how can it perceived as such if as you say it doesn't exist?
Your confusing your disatisfaction with your life and the soul with your old beliefs. A soul is not necessarily a Christian ONLY held belief.
Truth is you think attacking anything from belief, is detaching yourself from faith.
Self-destruction is not the same as losing faith. You caved into circumstance and your own feeling.
You thought by doing that and giving up faith all your troubles would cease. But you are just stuck in the way you were when you separated yourself from God.
But God has never let you go, are you sure you want to remain in the cold where no one but you ever wanted you to be?