Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 145480 times)

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1150 on:** March 17, 2022, 07:59:24 PM »

There is a new horror film out:

The Dyslexorcist.

Tagline reads: Your mother cooks socks in hell.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1151 on:** March 23, 2022, 07:00:54 PM »

Thanks everyone for your concern. Just to let you know .
First off, I'm OK though I was a bit shook up. If you don't already know, I was robbed at Tesco petrol station earlier this morning in Glasgow.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!

My money's gone however, I wont get it back.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them, "Yes, it was pump number 8

jeremyp · « **Reply #1152 on:** March 24, 2022, 11:22:56 AM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on March 23, 2022, 07:00:54 PM

Thanks everyone for your concern. Just to let you know .
First off, I'm OK though I was a bit shook up. If you don't already know, I was robbed at Tesco petrol station earlier this morning in Glasgow.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!

My money's gone however, I wont get it back.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them, "Yes, it was pump number 8

Sounds like a pump and dump scheme.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1153 on:** April 08, 2022, 08:52:44 AM »

Football is 90 minutes of pretending you are hurt, Rugby is 80 minutes of pretending you are not.

jeremyp · « **Reply #1154 on:** April 10, 2022, 05:16:46 PM »

The president of Russia has written a song about the wartime bombing of London. It's called "Putin on the Blitz".

jeremyp · « **Reply #1155 on:** April 12, 2022, 07:39:11 PM »

https://twitter.com/thatbloke_jesus/status/1513089575337574402?s=21&t=MlGiBHTM-mp_ygKZVqeWnQ

For people with screen readers, it’s a screenshot of a WhatsApp group called “The Twelve Disciples” and it goes like this:

Quote

Jesus: one of you will betray me today

Peter: not me Lord… who?

<< Judas Iscariot left the group >>

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1156 on:** April 13, 2022, 10:31:32 AM »

I've got a joke about trickle-down economics.

But 99% of you won't get it.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1157 on:** April 13, 2022, 01:19:51 PM »

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1158 on:** April 21, 2022, 06:47:30 PM »

SteveH · « **Reply #1159 on:** April 25, 2022, 12:33:13 PM »

I wonder who won the gay womens' six nations title.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1160 on:** April 26, 2022, 07:23:01 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1161 on:** April 29, 2022, 10:18:55 PM »

SteveH · « **Reply #1162 on:** April 29, 2022, 10:57:36 PM »

Just seen that on Farcebook!

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1163 on:** April 30, 2022, 10:47:18 AM »

BLOODY ANGELA RAYNER!

She deliberately put trousers on knowing that the Tories would have to look at porn instead.

Typical Labour dirty tricks!

SteveH · « **Reply #1164 on:** April 30, 2022, 11:22:20 AM »

Quote from: Trentvoyager on April 30, 2022, 10:47:18 AM

BLOODY ANGELA RAYNER!

She deliberately put trousers on knowing that the Tories would have to look at porn instead.

Typical Labour dirty tricks!

Of course, whatever the Tories say, it's Angela Rayner who has to look at a twat during PMQs.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1165 on:** May 01, 2022, 12:07:09 PM »

Ringo obviously just waiting for the drums to be brought round

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1166 on:** May 02, 2022, 09:07:31 AM »

Bono from U2 insists on purchasing non-branded confectionery. He prefers to shop where the sweets have no name.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1167 on:** May 06, 2022, 09:32:24 AM »

I went on a barging holiday. Didn't have a boat, I just kept pushing people into the canal.

Walt Zingmatilder · « **Reply #1168 on:** May 06, 2022, 09:49:47 AM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on May 02, 2022, 09:07:31 AM

Bono from U2 insists on purchasing non-branded confectionery. He prefers to shop where the sweets have no name.

He was rummaging through the Pick n'mix for over half an hour and when challenged by the assistant claimed he still hadn't found what he was looking for.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1169 on:** May 11, 2022, 09:43:14 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1170 on:** May 14, 2022, 01:50:37 PM »

For reasons elsewhere someone posted this.

https://www.scotsman.com/whats-on/arts-and-entertainment/36-best-chic-murray-jokes-most-hilarious-quips-and-one-liners-greenock-born-comedian-2535836?amp

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1171 on:** May 14, 2022, 07:16:48 PM »

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1172 on:** May 14, 2022, 08:17:01 PM »

Michael Potillo has agreed to investigate how a recent fast food franchise can make all packages get placed in the bin and ready for recycling.
That's, Michael Portillo watches five guys handle their junk.

SteveH · « **Reply #1173 on:** May 15, 2022, 03:39:58 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1174 on:** May 21, 2022, 01:47:01 PM »

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 145480 times)