Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.  (Read 193834 times)

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1925 on: May 22, 2024, 12:28:57 PM »
'Saw someone rob an Apple store a while back. Now I'm being called as an iWitness'.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1926 on: May 22, 2024, 03:44:36 PM »
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Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1927 on: May 23, 2024, 06:33:30 PM »
Just watched the latest episode of BBC's coverage of the Chelsea Flower , with the automatic subtitles because I'm a deaf old git. One interviewed expert was talking about the ideal position for a particular plant. he said "semi or full sun", but it came out in the subtitles as "semi-awful son"!
"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1928 on: May 23, 2024, 06:42:29 PM »
Just watched the latest episode of BBC's coverage of the Chelsea Flower , with the automatic subtitles because I'm a deaf old git. One interviewed expert was talking about the ideal position for a particular plant. he said "semi or full sun", but it came out in the subtitles as "semi-awful son"!
I remember during Charles and Dian's wedding that they were about to walk down the 'Redcar pet'.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1929 on: May 24, 2024, 05:06:40 PM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1930 on: May 25, 2024, 08:45:48 AM »
..
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. - God is Love.

Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1931 on: May 25, 2024, 08:57:45 AM »
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"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1932 on: May 25, 2024, 03:18:46 PM »
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ekim

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1933 on: May 26, 2024, 03:23:39 PM »
I was tempted to put this on 'Searching for God' topic.
https://tinyurl.com/2zwc6umy

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1934 on: May 27, 2024, 11:01:08 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1935 on: May 27, 2024, 11:02:06 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1936 on: May 27, 2024, 01:02:26 PM »
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Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1937 on: May 29, 2024, 12:21:43 PM »
An anecdote, rather than a joke, but bloody funny, from Facebook:
Quote
Years ago, I was chatting to a North Sea diver on the way up to Shetland,who told me of the time he took his wife and mother in law to a wildlife park. As the monkeys clambered over his car, one enterprising simian discovered that inserting his cock betwixt the wiper and the windscreen would give a satisfactory simulation of a lady monkey's front bottom. The diver, and his mother in law, who was sitting in the front passenger seat, were then treated to a few minutes of hot monkey lipstick action, before said monkey came his ninepence and left monkey mess in the driver's view.
Apparently, putting the wipers on only spreads it about a bit...
"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1938 on: May 29, 2024, 01:23:17 PM »
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If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. - God is Love.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1939 on: May 29, 2024, 01:59:33 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1940 on: May 29, 2024, 09:56:41 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1941 on: May 30, 2024, 12:24:29 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1942 on: May 30, 2024, 03:32:43 PM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1943 on: May 31, 2024, 09:08:35 AM »
A duck walks into a pizza shop and orders a Meat Lover's Delight, A Hawaiian with the lot, and a Neapolitan.

"How are you going to pay for all this", asks the cashier.

"Just put it on my bill", the duck says.
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. - God is Love.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1944 on: May 31, 2024, 12:09:44 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1945 on: June 01, 2024, 06:24:01 PM »
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1946 on: June 01, 2024, 07:14:07 PM »
And in honour of the Apprentice Boys who have marched around me today

https://youtu.be/HAVYZLUxaEw?si=vcr0KeV2s-7c40xa

Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1947 on: June 03, 2024, 11:11:11 AM »
There was an explosion in a French cheese factory - de brie was everywhere.
There was an explosion in a Japanese car factory - it was raining Datsun cogs.




"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1948 on: June 03, 2024, 11:17:34 AM »
There was an explosion at the pie factory.
The blast could be heard 3.14 miles away

jeremyp

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1949 on: June 03, 2024, 01:14:14 PM »
There was an explosion in the law enforcement toilet block.

Police have nothing to go on.



I'll get me coat.
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