Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.  (Read 159643 times)

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1925 on: May 22, 2024, 12:28:57 PM »
'Saw someone rob an Apple store a while back. Now I'm being called as an iWitness'.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1926 on: May 22, 2024, 03:44:36 PM »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1927 on: May 23, 2024, 06:33:30 PM »
Just watched the latest episode of BBC's coverage of the Chelsea Flower , with the automatic subtitles because I'm a deaf old git. One interviewed expert was talking about the ideal position for a particular plant. he said "semi or full sun", but it came out in the subtitles as "semi-awful son"!
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1928 on: May 23, 2024, 06:42:29 PM »
Just watched the latest episode of BBC's coverage of the Chelsea Flower , with the automatic subtitles because I'm a deaf old git. One interviewed expert was talking about the ideal position for a particular plant. he said "semi or full sun", but it came out in the subtitles as "semi-awful son"!
I remember during Charles and Dian's wedding that they were about to walk down the 'Redcar pet'.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1929 on: May 24, 2024, 05:06:40 PM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1930 on: May 25, 2024, 08:45:48 AM »
..
Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1931 on: May 25, 2024, 08:57:45 AM »
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1932 on: May 25, 2024, 03:18:46 PM »
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ekim

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1933 on: May 26, 2024, 03:23:39 PM »
I was tempted to put this on 'Searching for God' topic.
https://tinyurl.com/2zwc6umy

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1934 on: May 27, 2024, 11:01:08 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1935 on: May 27, 2024, 11:02:06 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1936 on: May 27, 2024, 01:02:26 PM »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1937 on: May 29, 2024, 12:21:43 PM »
An anecdote, rather than a joke, but bloody funny, from Facebook:
Quote
Years ago, I was chatting to a North Sea diver on the way up to Shetland,who told me of the time he took his wife and mother in law to a wildlife park. As the monkeys clambered over his car, one enterprising simian discovered that inserting his cock betwixt the wiper and the windscreen would give a satisfactory simulation of a lady monkey's front bottom. The diver, and his mother in law, who was sitting in the front passenger seat, were then treated to a few minutes of hot monkey lipstick action, before said monkey came his ninepence and left monkey mess in the driver's view.
Apparently, putting the wipers on only spreads it about a bit...
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1938 on: May 29, 2024, 01:23:17 PM »
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Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1939 on: May 29, 2024, 01:59:33 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1940 on: May 29, 2024, 09:56:41 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1941 on: May 30, 2024, 12:24:29 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1942 on: May 30, 2024, 03:32:43 PM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1943 on: May 31, 2024, 09:08:35 AM »
A duck walks into a pizza shop and orders a Meat Lover's Delight, A Hawaiian with the lot, and a Neapolitan.

"How are you going to pay for all this", asks the cashier.

"Just put it on my bill", the duck says.
Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1944 on: May 31, 2024, 12:09:44 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1945 on: June 01, 2024, 06:24:01 PM »
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1946 on: June 01, 2024, 07:14:07 PM »
And in honour of the Apprentice Boys who have marched around me today

https://youtu.be/HAVYZLUxaEw?si=vcr0KeV2s-7c40xa

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1947 on: June 03, 2024, 11:11:11 AM »
There was an explosion in a French cheese factory - de brie was everywhere.
There was an explosion in a Japanese car factory - it was raining Datsun cogs.




I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1948 on: June 03, 2024, 11:17:34 AM »
There was an explosion at the pie factory.
The blast could be heard 3.14 miles away

jeremyp

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1949 on: June 03, 2024, 01:14:14 PM »
There was an explosion in the law enforcement toilet block.

Police have nothing to go on.



I'll get me coat.
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