Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.  (Read 159662 times)

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2000 on: July 08, 2024, 11:24:55 AM »
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2001 on: July 08, 2024, 02:34:21 PM »
In the spirit of Wimbledon fortnight, I bought a punnet of strawberries and looked to the internet for the best way to serve them.
It suggested that I halve the strawberries, dust with icing sugar, and pile cream on top.
A word to the wise - pile cream tastes disgusting.
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2002 on: July 08, 2024, 04:59:42 PM »
'
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Roses

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2003 on: July 10, 2024, 02:10:22 PM »
‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it certainly keeps you in touch with the children!’
"At the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2004 on: July 11, 2024, 08:30:11 PM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2005 on: July 13, 2024, 09:34:53 AM »
From a friend in the US:

Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2006 on: July 15, 2024, 11:52:07 AM »
The new Shrek film looks a bit shit:
Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2007 on: July 15, 2024, 03:48:13 PM »
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ekim

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2008 on: July 15, 2024, 05:07:28 PM »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2009 on: July 15, 2024, 10:04:03 PM »
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2010 on: July 15, 2024, 10:10:29 PM »
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2011 on: July 16, 2024, 10:41:59 AM »
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2012 on: July 18, 2024, 01:45:08 PM »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2013 on: July 22, 2024, 03:57:53 PM »
A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.
The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"
The bartender says, "No."
So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2014 on: July 22, 2024, 06:04:59 PM »
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2015 on: July 24, 2024, 09:36:20 AM »
What is a middle class mosh pit called? A mutual support group

ekim

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2016 on: July 24, 2024, 02:44:38 PM »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2017 on: July 25, 2024, 11:53:42 AM »
I saw the world's worst mind reader last night.
Mind reader " Think of a card, any card"
Me "ok"
Mind reader" visualize it in your mind"
Me "ok"
Mind reader " is it the jack of clubs?"
Me "no"
Mind reader " the seven of diamonds?"
Me "no"
Mind reader, increasingly frustrated "Well what is it then?"
Me "Mr Bunn the Baker."
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2018 on: July 25, 2024, 06:05:52 PM »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2019 on: July 26, 2024, 11:25:05 AM »
Elvis Presley’s coffin was made of redwood, and took 2 weeks to make.
Michael Jackson’s was made of oak, and took a week to make.
Gene Pitney’s? 24 hours, from balsa...
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2020 on: July 26, 2024, 03:54:26 PM »
Personally I think the throwing events shouldn’t be in the Olympics

Discus.

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2021 on: July 26, 2024, 09:35:30 PM »
Sean Connery sings Buddy Holly.
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2022 on: July 27, 2024, 08:07:14 PM »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #2023 on: July 28, 2024, 10:25:55 PM »
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/6ph5V6aXcYGd7BEh/
For those who aren't on Facebook, here's a longer Youtube version. It's Rambling Syd Rumpo singing 'The Ballad of the Woggler's Moulie', and it goes after this fashion:
https://youtu.be/99IitWYZ0aU?si=Ksew_cD_MMPD6PSD
« Last Edit: July 29, 2024, 10:13:06 AM by SteveH »
I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

SteveH

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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.