Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 196975 times)

Walter · « **Reply #400 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:09:03 PM »

Lost my job as a postman ,
Couldn't keep em in a straight line !
X

Walter · « **Reply #401 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:10:04 PM »

So I was in the chemists;
Me: have you got anything for bad breath?
Assistant: have you tried mouthwash ?
Me : no! It's for you , your breath stinks 😱

Walter · « **Reply #402 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:11:01 PM »

So I gave up my job as a roofers labourer ,
Nobody talks down to me 😤

Walter · « **Reply #403 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:12:08 PM »

I got this new rubber band that plays tunes from Mary Poppins , I keep it in my fridge . It's called a
Supercalifridge elastic

Nice 😝

Walter · « **Reply #404 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:13:04 PM »

I keep hearing somebody shouting " learn survival skills "
I think I've got Rame Ears!
😝

Walter · « **Reply #405 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:13:55 PM »

Was going to call the Samaritans yesterday
Then I thought " sod 'em they never call me" !
😤

Walter · « **Reply #406 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:14:48 PM »

I planned to go to a Psychic Show but it was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances 👻

Walter · « **Reply #407 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:15:43 PM »

I had a terrifying experience shopping for Christmas decorations "
"Baubles"?
" no , it's all true"
😝

Walter · « **Reply #408 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:16:31 PM »

I bumped into an old friend at the Tailors Conference yesterday .
What a turn up !

Xxx

Walter · « **Reply #409 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:17:18 PM »

I was going to get you a herb garden for Christmas but I couldn't find the thyme
Wey-hay !!! X

Walter · « **Reply #410 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:18:32 PM »

I was going to get you a herb garden for Christmas but I couldn't find the thyme
Wey-hay !!! X

Walter · « **Reply #411 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:19:35 PM »

I gave up on the idea of becoming a comedian , I thought people would laugh at me ! X

Walter · « **Reply #412 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:20:27 PM »

"If we're not carful a number of animals will become extinct soon "
"Erm yes , there's an elephant of truth in that statement " 😶

Walter · « **Reply #413 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:21:24 PM »

I thought I needed to raise my profile ,
I got myself a job as a lift attendant 👍

Walter · « **Reply #414 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:22:18 PM »

So I went for a job as a gymnast ,
She said are you very flexible ?
Me: I can't do Thursdays !

👍

Walter · « **Reply #415 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:23:07 PM »

I used to get splinters as an apprentice carpenter.
Not doing that again , touch wood 😳

X

Walter · « **Reply #416 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:24:02 PM »

I used to have a very annoying girlfriend who played the fiddle
I gave her the elbow!

X

Walter · « **Reply #417 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:25:29 PM »

I had to move house, they built a massive sofa factory right next door .
Too close for comfort!!!

😤

Walter · « **Reply #418 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:26:28 PM »

Don't get a job at W H SMITH, the career path is stationary !!! 😯

Walter · « **Reply #419 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:27:34 PM »

Just got sacked from my plumbing job .
Couldn't stop tap dancing 😤

Walter · « **Reply #420 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:29:13 PM »

"he was a lovely old man. He died surrounded by his family"

I'm not going to anymore family get-togethers 😱😱😱

Walter · « **Reply #421 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:30:20 PM »

So I went the "extra mile" ........
Fell off a bloody cliff 😱

Xxx

Walter · « **Reply #422 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:31:28 PM »

I was going to take up skiing but once you start that it's a slippery slope 👻

Walter · « **Reply #423 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:32:47 PM »

I discovered some leaks in the roof yesterday 😱
So I got some spuds and made a soup 👍

Walter · « **Reply #424 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:33:48 PM »

I wrote a list of clichés but they're not worth the paper they're written on !!!

Xxx

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 196975 times)