Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 158706 times)

Walter · « **Reply #425 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:34:53 PM »

We should all support the Paralympics ,two of em saved my life when I had a heart attack 💔

Xxx

Walter · « **Reply #426 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:35:49 PM »

She said she wanted a new jumper for Christmas .
I got her a frog ! 🐸
Booof!

Walter · « **Reply #427 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:36:52 PM »

We once got a dog for Christmas 🐶
It was a bit of a surprise , I was expecting turkey !!!

Xxx

Walter · « **Reply #428 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:38:01 PM »

I embarked on a dog training course this morning 👍
Had to jump through hoops to get on it though 😤

Walter · « **Reply #429 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:39:01 PM »

I qualified as a physiotherapist this morning 👍
Really?
Nah! Just pulling your leg! 😝

Walter · « **Reply #430 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:40:07 PM »

I managed to join the Yorkshire puppet society today
I had to pull some strings to get in though! 😱

Walter · « **Reply #431 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:41:20 PM »

So I was in the pub earlier talking to a chap from Spain :
Me ; so what are doing here then?
Him ; a last attempt to sort things out with my ex wife.
Me ; oh i see. So what's your name?
Him ; Juan San Farrall

You couldn't make it up !!!!!
X

Walter · « **Reply #432 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:42:18 PM »

Is a pamphlet a smaller version of a pamph ?

Who knows

Walter · « **Reply #433 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:43:22 PM »

I was talking to some North American Indians ;
So what do you think of the new land you've been given ?
Well, we've got our reservations !

X😝

Walter · « **Reply #434 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:44:20 PM »

So I was talking to this old chap :
Old chap: I can't remember when I last had a decent meal !
Me: is it that long ago?
Old chap : no, I've got dementia !

Xxx

Walter · « **Reply #435 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:45:24 PM »

So I was interviewing Sir Clif Richard this morning :
Sir Clif you're about to release your 104th album this week , is that some kind of a record ?

Silence! 😳

Walter · « **Reply #436 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:47:23 PM »

So I was with my old mate from London ,Russell , Russell Square ,do you remember him? Doing a pub quiz in Yorkshire ;
Q1 name a big supermarket that begins with "T"
Russell : that's easy , Tesco
Incorrect ,
Me : Th'Asda
Correct ,2points 👍

You couldn't make it up !!!!! 😘😎

Walter · « **Reply #437 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:49:01 PM »

So I'm doing a quiz in a Yorkshire pub ;
Q1: name the small human-like creature that lives underground ?
Me ; give us a clue , what's it begin with ?
"T "
Me ; I've got it , Th'obbit !
Correct 👍

I love Yorkshire me ! X

Walter · « **Reply #438 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:50:11 PM »

Why not astound your Friday night pub friends with this amazing fact ;

99% of English monarchs had THE as a middle name .
It's a fact
😂😂😂😂😂

Walter · « **Reply #439 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:51:32 PM »

I got a text from an old friend saying he was in casualty
I watched it for a full hour and never saw him in it
He hasn't texted back !!!!
Xxxx

Walter · « **Reply #440 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:53:35 PM »

I joined a new group today and we'll be protesting in Central London soon .
It's concerned with the modern world being shit !
We're called THE BOWEL MOVEMENT

It's all true !

Walter · « **Reply #441 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:54:38 PM »

Have you noticed they never give a phone number to ring if you HAVE'NT been affected by this program !

Discrimination?

Walter · « **Reply #442 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:55:42 PM »

An electron and a photon walk into a Catholic Church ,
Priest says " sorry no mass for you two today"

Discrimination ?
😱😝😎

Walter · « **Reply #443 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:57:02 PM »

Me and the computer voice ;
Me ; Cortana can you find me a nearby takeaway ?
Cortana ; piss off you lazy twat

It'll never catch on
Xxxx

Walter · « **Reply #444 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:58:24 PM »

I was offered some FREE TISSUES earlier
Now that's a gift not to be sniffed at !!

Walter · « **Reply #445 on:** November 23, 2019, 09:59:45 PM »

Millennial goes to doctors with conjunctivitis ;
Doctor prescribes an eyepatch
Millennial picks up his phone and tries to download one from the AppStore !

Clever😂

Walter · « **Reply #446 on:** November 23, 2019, 10:00:59 PM »

So I'm in the pub talking about smoking ,
barman , "my dad smoked a pipe til he was 83 "
Me, " and then he died?"
Barman , " no, he lost his pipe "

👍😂😘

Walter · « **Reply #447 on:** November 23, 2019, 10:02:23 PM »

So I went in this Chinese restaurant and said
"Do you do take-away ?"
He said
"Two from six makes four "

What a cheek !

Walter · « **Reply #448 on:** November 23, 2019, 10:03:29 PM »

I watched a new detective drama from Holland on BBC4 last night . It's called Clever Clogs .

You couldn't make it up !!!

Walter · « **Reply #449 on:** November 23, 2019, 10:05:02 PM »

I've now reached the age where I hold up the queue at supermarket checkouts chatting to the till person
It's great fun , today we discussed our grandchildren for twenty three minutes . I don't know what the people behind me were getting upset about !!

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 158706 times)