More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.

[Walter]

I was in a pub the other day
I noticed there were three different toilet doors

Ladies       Gents       Alphabets


hmmm?

[Walter]

I see ITV have launched a new channel for Saturday nights '

it's called      More-On TV

 

[Walter]

So I went into Holland & Barrett and asked if they had anything to cure my gullibility.

Yes they said , get 2 , second one only a penny

I'll just take the second one then , thanks .

[Walter]

I think people who believe in Jesus are mythtaken !

[Walter]

so I was stalking to this out of work luvvie at the bar :

Him : so what do you think of Hamlet Walter ?

me: oh yeah , love it specially in a sandwich with a slice of tomato

 

[Walter]

so i was saying to my daughter;

beware of the bloke who shuts the fridge door with his hip 

[Walter]

she went to Public School you know ;

she's very keen on social differencing 

[Walter]

did you know?

the angel who appeared to Joseph Smith , founder of the Mormon Church was called Moroni

I wonder why they didn't call themselves Morons ?

[Walter]

I was talking to this Christian woman the other day , she thought Joan Of Arc was Noah's wife

 

[jeremyp]

The Eurostar one was funny.

[Walter]

The Eurostar one was funny.

thanks jez 

[Walter]

A farmer tells his farmhand to go and count the sheep in a field. The farmhand eventually comes back and says "48". Right", says the farmer, "now round them up." The farmhand says "ok, 50."

Tim Vine

you've got to give credit if you know who wrote it !!!

[Walter]

Do elderly aristocrats use nobility scooters?

and I wrote that 

[Walter]

me: so me and 5 other chaps have just booked a Glamping holiday in France

him:  Eurocamp?

me: cheeky!

[bluehillside Retd.]

My friend David's ID's been stolen...

... now he's just Dav.

[SteveH]

Walter follows the Ken Dodd method: keep up a machine-gun rattle of jokes, and at least a few will hit the target.

[Walter]

Walter follows the Ken Dodd method: keep up a machine-gun rattle of jokes, and at least a few will hit the target.

Ken Dodd , my hero 

[Walter]

I met him once after a performance, he had prompt lines written in blue biro all up his left arm back and front . He said he used blue because from the audience it looks like veins . Genius!

[SteveH]

Saw him live, with my parents and sister, in the early 60s, in (I think) Morecambe. Brilliant.

[Walt Zingmatilder]

Walter follows the Ken Dodd method: keep up a machine-gun rattle of jokes, and at least a few will hit the target.

Walter followed the Ken Dodd method......

Did’ e?
No, Doddy.

[Roses]

In the early 90s Ken Dodd invited our Down's Syndrome son, who was 8, and I to one of his performances in our area. We went to his dressing room after the show, he presented our lad with two of his 'tickling sticks'. Ken Dodd was very amusing, we enjoyed the show. Some years later I did one of my artwork creations for him, which he was kind enough to say he liked very much. I believe in his private life he was very different to how he appeared on stage, and liked to keep himself to himself.

[Walt Zingmatilder]

I was just sitting for months looking at the long overdue state of decoration of the house and could bear it no longer. Monday Living room, Tuesday Dining room Wednesday kitchen Thursday Bedrooms.............I think it must have been weeks of pent up emulsion.

[Walter]

I was just sitting for months looking at the long overdue state of decoration of the house and could bear it no longer. Monday Living room, Tuesday Dining room Wednesday kitchen Thursday Bedrooms.............I think it must have been weeks of pent up emulsion.

, hope its original ?

[Walter]

In the early 90s Ken Dodd invited our Down's Syndrome son, who was 8, and I to one of his performances in our area. We went to his dressing room after the show, he presented our lad with two of his 'tickling sticks'. Ken Dodd was very amusing, we enjoyed the show. Some years later I did one of my artwork creations for him, which he was kind enough to say he liked very much. I believe in his private life he was very different to how he appeared on stage, and liked to keep himself to himself.

lovely story

yes, in his private life he had normal hair and teeth and dressed as a woman on Wednesdays 

[Walter]

I joined a Colspiracy Cult this morning ,

they believe the letter 'N' is being replaced by 'L' in the woke media .