Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 158851 times)

Robbie · « **Reply #525 on:** February 17, 2020, 11:48:43 PM »

Quote from: Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz on February 10, 2020, 10:57:20 PM

James Bond's doorbell:

Dong. Ding dong.

I don't get that $:-\$ .

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #526 on:** February 18, 2020, 06:59:43 PM »

Quote from: Robbie on February 17, 2020, 11:48:43 PM

I don't get that $:-\$ .

The name's
Bond, James Bond.
!

Robbie · « **Reply #527 on:** February 18, 2020, 11:48:55 PM »

I thought of that but couldn't say it in my head in chimes.

ippy · « **Reply #528 on:** February 19, 2020, 03:24:25 PM »

Glass coffins will they be popular?

Remains to be seen.

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

My wife says she thinks we should sleep in separate beds, great idea, I've chosen Karen's at number 23.

I bought some new electric garden trimmers, they're cutting hedge-technology.

ippy

Walter · « **Reply #529 on:** February 24, 2020, 02:11:19 PM »

homelessness !

if Jesus came round to my house with a handful of nails, I'd put him up for the night !

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #530 on:** February 24, 2020, 02:16:57 PM »

Quote from: Walter on February 24, 2020, 02:11:19 PM

homelessness !

if Jesus came round to my house with a handful of nails, I'd put him up for the night !

Good to see you back Walter.

Walter · « **Reply #531 on:** February 24, 2020, 02:24:51 PM »

Quote from: Trentvoyager on February 24, 2020, 02:16:57 PM

Good to see you back Walter.

thanks Trent. I'll soon be getting on your nerves!

btw I'm currently on the banks of the river Trent and the water level is dangerously high

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #532 on:** February 24, 2020, 02:29:47 PM »

A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

'I think I'm a typo' said the rabbit

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #533 on:** February 24, 2020, 02:33:07 PM »

Quote from: Walter on February 24, 2020, 02:24:51 PM

thanks Trent. I'll soon be getting on your nerves!

btw I'm currently on the banks of the river Trent and the water level is dangerously high

How is your back?

Walter · « **Reply #534 on:** February 24, 2020, 02:45:01 PM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on February 24, 2020, 02:33:07 PM

How is your back?

Hi Saney,

It's pretty much as it was . After very careful thought and conversations with my doc and the surgeons' people, I decided not to have the op. The benefits did not outweigh the risks as far as I'm concerned . However I could still have it done at a later date.
To be fair my mind has been all over the place recently what with one thing and another but things are calming down a bit now

hope you are well old chap ?

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #535 on:** February 24, 2020, 02:54:16 PM »

Quote from: Walter on February 24, 2020, 02:45:01 PM

Hi Saney,

It's pretty much as it was . After very careful thought and conversations with my doc and the surgeons' people, I decided not to have the op. The benefits did not outweigh the risks as far as I'm concerned . However I could still have it done at a later date.
To be fair my mind has been all over the place recently what with one thing and another but things are calming down a bit now

hope you are well old chap ?

Been better. Had a few health issues of my own which have meant I've been relatively quiet on here.

Roses · « **Reply #536 on:** February 24, 2020, 03:24:01 PM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on February 24, 2020, 02:54:16 PM

Been better. Had a few health issues of my own which have meant I've been relatively quiet on here.

Sorry to hear that, not too serious, I hope?

Walter · « **Reply #537 on:** February 24, 2020, 03:27:11 PM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on February 24, 2020, 02:54:16 PM

Been better. Had a few health issues of my own which have meant I've been relatively quiet on here.

oh dear,
drink plenty water , keep it moist

Walter · « **Reply #538 on:** February 24, 2020, 03:33:30 PM »

Doc says I've had a mild case of Alice!

he says he's not sure what it is but Christopher Robin went down with it!

Robbie · « **Reply #539 on:** February 24, 2020, 06:04:56 PM »

Very good to see you back here again, Walter. You were talked about in your absence :-), just wondering how you were.

Walter · « **Reply #540 on:** February 24, 2020, 07:25:13 PM »

Quote from: Robbie on February 24, 2020, 06:04:56 PM

Very good to see you back here again, Walter. You were talked about in your absence :-), just wondering how you were.

Hi Robbie,

I sometimes wish I were a nicer person . But it soon wears off !

Harrowby Hall · « **Reply #541 on:** February 24, 2020, 07:30:22 PM »

Hi Walter - good to see you back.

Walter · « **Reply #542 on:** February 24, 2020, 07:32:16 PM »

Quote from: Harrowby Hall on February 24, 2020, 07:30:22 PM

Hi Walter - good to see you back.

cheers HH.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #543 on:** February 26, 2020, 07:09:33 AM »

"I bet Rick Astley really struggles with lent..."

Walter · « **Reply #544 on:** February 26, 2020, 10:41:52 AM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on February 26, 2020, 07:09:33 AM

"I bet Rick Astley really struggles with lent..."

never gonna give....never gonna give....

Walter · « **Reply #545 on:** February 26, 2020, 01:06:41 PM »

so I'm in the doctors surgery;

Doc: so what seems to be the problem Walter?
me: well actually its about a friend of mine, he thinks he's an avocado
Doc: best thing to do is get him to come in and see me then
me: that's no problem I've brought him with me, he's in my pocket

Roses · « **Reply #546 on:** February 26, 2020, 04:33:44 PM »

This is a VERY BAD joke! I just couldn't believe it!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-51643086

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #547 on:** March 01, 2020, 10:21:51 AM »

It's the final round in a Glasgow pub quiz, and £1,000 pounds is up for grabs. The question is asked 'Take That's first album had a four word title. Take That were the first words, what were the 2nd 2?' After a lengthy silence, a wee Glasga man stands up and says 'Was it Ya Bastard?'

jeremyp · « **Reply #548 on:** March 01, 2020, 01:17:55 PM »

Quote from: Littleroses on February 26, 2020, 04:33:44 PM

This is a VERY BAD joke! I just couldn't believe it!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-51643086

Yes, I can't believe they let her off.

Spud · « **Reply #549 on:** March 03, 2020, 01:25:42 PM »

One news item recently went viral.

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 158851 times)