Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 159221 times)

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1025 on:** September 17, 2021, 12:00:39 PM »

A man got on a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls & sat down next to a woman. The puzzled woman kept looking down at his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances the man explained "It's golf balls".

Nevertheless, the woman continued to look at him for a very long time and appeared to be thinking very deeply about it. After several minutes, and not being able to contain her curiosity any longer she asked: "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1026 on:** September 17, 2021, 12:39:31 PM »

It's been 3 weeks since my neighbour hurt his back at the margarine factory.....I can't believe it's not better.

jeremyp · « **Reply #1027 on:** September 27, 2021, 05:05:48 PM »

I was watching an item on the news about Brexit. They said "more on next". They were right, it was an interview with Boris Johnson.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1028 on:** September 28, 2021, 07:00:28 AM »

Looking for a couple of gallons of petrol. Willing to swap with a Doctors appointment.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1029 on:** September 30, 2021, 11:55:26 AM »

Chris Rea reckons he'll be walking home for Christmas this year.

jeremyp · « **Reply #1030 on:** September 30, 2021, 01:18:29 PM »

Quote from: Trentvoyager on September 30, 2021, 11:55:26 AM

Chris Rea reckons he'll be walking home for Christmas this year.

Don't think so. Last I heard he was on the road to Shell.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1031 on:** September 30, 2021, 01:21:49 PM »

Quote from: jeremyp on September 30, 2021, 01:18:29 PM

Don't think so. Last I heard he was on the road to Shell.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1032 on:** October 02, 2021, 01:52:14 PM »

Bank Manager to his wife:

"Gilbert O'Sullivan came into the bank this morning"

Wife: "Really dear. What did he want?"

Bank Manager: " A loan again, naturally."

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1033 on:** October 02, 2021, 07:22:07 PM »

My girlfriend's dog died last week.
I thought I would cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

She was livid, she said...
"What am I going to do with two dead dogs"?

Walt Zingmatilder · « **Reply #1034 on:** October 04, 2021, 09:47:12 PM »

I wonder if Ian Duncan Smith was offered crushed nuts with his cone.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1035 on:** October 07, 2021, 01:07:45 PM »

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1036 on:** October 08, 2021, 02:25:08 PM »

Quote from: jeremyp on September 27, 2021, 05:05:48 PM

I was watching an item on the news about Brexit. They said "more on next". They were right, it was an interview with Boris Johnson.

There was an interview on the BBC news this morning with a pig farmer. She was talking about the problems the farm was having and wanted to meet up with the PM to explain all the culls and suffering with the cull(s), but Johnson didn't even want to do that.

Turns out that Boorish Johnson really is pig ignorant.

That's not even a joke.

It's true.

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1037 on:** October 10, 2021, 10:50:49 AM »

In (even earlier) other news, Boorish Johnson admitted he has six children.

He then admitted that his only successful withdrawal agreement was with Jennifer Acuri.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1038 on:** October 11, 2021, 02:28:09 PM »

Did you know that Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool fan?

And that he never wore aftershave in his life?

That's right - Yul never wore Cologne.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1039 on:** October 15, 2021, 04:55:25 AM »

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, They’re right behind you.

ekim · « **Reply #1040 on:** October 15, 2021, 09:40:37 AM »

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1041 on:** October 19, 2021, 06:35:19 PM »

Reacting to the tragic & horrific murder of Sir David Amess MP by saying ‘We need to ban anonymous social media accounts’ is a bit like reacting to 9-11 by saying ‘We need to invade Iraq’.

jeremyp · « **Reply #1042 on:** October 20, 2021, 12:56:30 PM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on October 19, 2021, 06:35:19 PM

Reacting to the tragic & horrific murder of Sir David Amess MP by saying ‘We need to ban anonymous social media accounts’ is a bit like reacting to 9-11 by saying ‘We need to invade Iraq’.

Is this on the wrong thread? It seems more serious than funny to me.

Walt Zingmatilder · « **Reply #1043 on:** October 25, 2021, 12:44:13 PM »

I've just bought an egg timer shaped like a dalek. After three minutes it shouts ''Eggs terminate, Eggs terminate''.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1044 on:** October 31, 2021, 06:40:46 AM »

For Halloween

SteveH · « **Reply #1045 on:** November 05, 2021, 11:37:31 AM »

Two brothers went into business together as livestock farmers, but couldn't think of a name for their farm, so they asked their mother for a suggestion, She suggested "Focus Farm", because it's where the sons raise meat.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1046 on:** November 07, 2021, 08:56:21 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1047 on:** November 21, 2021, 10:57:42 PM »

It’s just a 5-minute walk from my house to the pub but it takes 35 minutes to get home.

The difference is staggering.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1048 on:** November 24, 2021, 03:09:48 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1049 on:** November 25, 2021, 11:43:39 PM »

I’ve heard that glass coffins are the way forward!
Remains to be seen.

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 159221 times)