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Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.  (Read 159260 times)

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1075 on: December 17, 2021, 11:18:48 AM »
I got a job working for a market research company, my first job was to find 100 women and ask what their favorite shampoo is.

100% of them replied “Get the fuck out of my shower"!

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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1076 on: December 20, 2021, 10:11:47 AM »
Threw a Ball for my little dog last night, I admit it was slightly extravagant,
But he looked great in a Tuxedo.
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Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1077 on: December 22, 2021, 10:52:46 AM »
Have you ever noticed that the word.. "incorrectly" is spelt incorrectly in every dictionary you can find.
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Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1078 on: December 22, 2021, 06:21:54 PM »
Not a nice experience in the supermarket just now .
Somebody threw a piece of cheese hitting me on the head ,
I thought that's not very mature
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Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1079 on: December 22, 2021, 07:24:08 PM »
I was attacked in the street, by six dwarves.

Not happy!
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1080 on: December 24, 2021, 08:00:52 AM »
.
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1081 on: December 24, 2021, 08:25:09 AM »
.
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1082 on: December 24, 2021, 08:39:43 AM »
.
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1083 on: December 24, 2021, 09:16:58 AM »
the most unbelievable thing about James Bond is how he can go into hotel rooms and immediately know how to use the shower
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Stranger

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1084 on: December 24, 2021, 10:27:20 AM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1085 on: December 24, 2021, 11:09:15 AM »
Here is a little known fact.
The creator of Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne had a smaller brother,
AAA Milne.
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Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Walt Zingmatilder

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1086 on: December 24, 2021, 11:47:50 AM »
Apparently Ricky Gervais couldn't perform because he felt a little funny...........his manager told him to get on stage before it wore off.
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1087 on: December 25, 2021, 01:09:41 PM »
Quote from: Walt Zingmatilder on December 24, 2021, 11:47:50 AM
Apparently Ricky Gervais couldn't perform because he felt a little funny...........his manager told him to get on stage before it wore off.
Gervais, Dawkins....you can't stop posting about them.
Looks like you have dick issues?
 ;D
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1088 on: December 25, 2021, 01:11:09 PM »
I found a coin in the street, it had tooth marks all over it.

I think it was a bitcoin.
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1089 on: December 25, 2021, 01:21:16 PM »
Dogs cannot operate MRI equipment.

....but cats can!
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1090 on: December 25, 2021, 01:26:04 PM »
What is the password to Forrest Gump's computer?

1forrest1
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1091 on: December 25, 2021, 01:33:27 PM »
During lockdown I decided to take up fencing.

My neighbours asked me to put it back immediately!
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1092 on: December 25, 2021, 01:37:38 PM »
How do you make an squud laugh?

Ten tickles.



(Edited for accuracy)
« Last Edit: December 26, 2021, 10:10:00 AM by Sebastian Toe »
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

jeremyp

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1093 on: December 25, 2021, 08:46:15 PM »
Quote from: Sebastian Toe on December 25, 2021, 01:37:38 PM
How do you make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

Errr....

That might work with squid.
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1094 on: December 25, 2021, 10:54:59 PM »
Quote from: jeremyp on December 25, 2021, 08:46:15 PM
Errr....

That might work with squid.
What?
 An octopus won't laugh if you tickle it ten times?
...where's the 'arm in that?
   ;)
« Last Edit: December 26, 2021, 10:08:25 AM by Sebastian Toe »
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1095 on: December 25, 2021, 11:08:14 PM »
I used to have a goldfish that could breakdance.

Only for ten seconds though, and only once.
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1096 on: December 26, 2021, 11:32:20 AM »
.
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1097 on: December 26, 2021, 03:11:58 PM »
Who you gonna call?
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1098 on: December 28, 2021, 10:03:21 AM »
.
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1099 on: December 28, 2021, 12:38:40 PM »
As a personal tribute to David Bowie, I've made a whole tin of Heroes last just for one day.
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