Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 159323 times)

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1228 on:** August 19, 2022, 12:37:52 PM »

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1229 on:** August 22, 2022, 08:45:27 AM »

https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2022/aug/22/pasta-one-liner-wins-masai-graham-best-joke-award-at-edinburgh-festival-fringe
Lots of jokes about pasta...they're tortellini funny (I hope).

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1230 on:** August 23, 2022, 01:03:17 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1231 on:** August 26, 2022, 08:35:11 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1232 on:** September 03, 2022, 01:31:37 PM »

SteveH · « **Reply #1233 on:** September 04, 2022, 02:38:38 PM »

Four huge arses.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1234 on:** September 05, 2022, 08:49:30 AM »

Love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people. Never gets old.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1235 on:** September 06, 2022, 12:19:17 PM »

San Andreas 'til I die!!!!
I've always been loyal to a fault.

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1236 on:** September 08, 2022, 04:45:35 PM »

JR Mugg was a hedge manager and couldn't even recognise a hedge.

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1237 on:** September 08, 2022, 05:07:36 PM »

I was looking for the cheapest pasta I could buy. When I finally found it, it was only a penne.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1238 on:** September 09, 2022, 11:23:11 AM »

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, because otherwise, they are all going to fall.

They were not able to choose that person until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.......

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1239 on:** September 09, 2022, 06:24:30 PM »

SteveH · « **Reply #1240 on:** September 09, 2022, 07:46:07 PM »

Nelson was 5'6". His statue is 17'4". That's Horatio of 3:1.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1241 on:** September 10, 2022, 10:39:25 PM »

I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.

It was a lamb bikini.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1242 on:** September 15, 2022, 09:05:31 PM »

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1243 on:** September 21, 2022, 02:17:13 PM »

What has the Tory government got in common with a shepherds shed?

It's full of crooks.

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1244 on:** September 29, 2022, 02:26:46 PM »

Vacuous,
Absence,
Vacant,
Bare,
Void,
Unoccupied
Vacuum.

They are all empty words.

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1245 on:** October 07, 2022, 12:33:15 PM »

I have a great joke about trickle-down economics...

...unfortunately, 99% of you won't get it.

https://www.redmolotov.com/trickle-down-economics-tshirt?search=Truckle

SteveH · « **Reply #1246 on:** October 10, 2022, 01:44:15 PM »

Beans to the left of me, chainsaws to the right, here I am -
Stuck in the Lidl with you...
Next up: Aldi Young Dudes.

jeremyp · « **Reply #1247 on:** October 10, 2022, 03:31:37 PM »

Quote from: Steve H on October 10, 2022, 01:44:15 PM

Beans to the left of me, chainsaws to the right, here I am -
Stuck in the Lidl with you...
Next up: Aldi Young Dudes.

You can get chainsaws in Lidl? That's a bit cutting edge for a supermarket.

SteveH · « **Reply #1248 on:** October 25, 2022, 10:33:02 AM »

Pun goes into a pub, kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1249 on:** October 29, 2022, 11:46:54 AM »

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 159323 times)