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Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.  (Read 159430 times)

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1375 on: March 12, 2023, 05:15:17 PM »
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SqueakyVoice

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1376 on: March 13, 2023, 09:12:20 PM »
Now the World Taekwondo Federation are struggling to use their abbreviation.
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1377 on: March 14, 2023, 07:09:24 PM »
Scientists announced today that research shows one particular food item which greatly reduces the sex drive.



It's called wedding cake!
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1378 on: March 14, 2023, 10:57:20 PM »
I got home from work to find that my kids have been on eBay all day.


If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1379 on: March 18, 2023, 08:56:24 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1380 on: March 18, 2023, 11:15:18 AM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1381 on: March 18, 2023, 12:04:12 PM »
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1382 on: March 18, 2023, 08:52:12 PM »
This price inflation is starting to hit home.
I've started to use old newspapers instead of toilet roll.

Times are rough!
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1383 on: March 19, 2023, 03:22:11 AM »
What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1384 on: March 25, 2023, 12:06:42 PM »
Sid James and June Whitifeld (I think) from a Carry on film:

Vic Flange: Oh. Don't drink?
Evelyn Blunt: No, I tried it once and didn't like it.
Vic Flange: Smoke?
Evelyn Blunt: I tried it once and didn't like it.
Vic Flange: Strange.
Evelyn Blunt: Not at all, my daughter is just the same.
Vic Flange: Your only child, I presume!
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Before we work on Artificial Intelligence shouldn't we address the problem of natural stupidity.

Walt Zingmatilder

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1385 on: March 25, 2023, 01:40:59 PM »
Quote from: Sebastian Toe on March 19, 2023, 03:22:11 AM
What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.
It's magic innit?
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SqueakyVoice

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1386 on: March 26, 2023, 11:04:40 AM »
Quote from: Sebastian Toe on March 19, 2023, 03:22:11 AM
What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.
What do you call a dog that can do magic and draw?.

A Labracadbradoodle.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2023, 09:32:07 AM by SqueakyVoice »
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SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1387 on: March 26, 2023, 04:56:40 PM »
Don't get NS's one about yellow paint.
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1388 on: March 26, 2023, 05:57:36 PM »
Quote from: SteveH on March 26, 2023, 04:56:40 PM
Don't get NS's one about yellow paint.
Epson printers won't print anything if one of the containers is empty even if the empty one is not required!
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1389 on: March 26, 2023, 06:08:49 PM »
Spring is here l, the clocks have gone forward.

I got so excited, I wet my plants!
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1390 on: March 26, 2023, 06:14:01 PM »
The SNP leadership election lead me to this

https://youtu.be/e9IvMzZFPxM
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1391 on: March 26, 2023, 06:24:06 PM »
Robin: Batman, the batmobile won't start.

Batman: Have you checked the battery?

Robin: What is a tery?
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1392 on: March 28, 2023, 05:04:11 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1393 on: March 31, 2023, 02:25:22 AM »
I've been asked to lay new turf on a field for a civil war re-enactment battle…
Sod that for a game of soldiers!
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1394 on: April 05, 2023, 11:38:30 PM »
Vincent Price is taller than Alan Price. Who is heavier than Katie Price. As I discovered on this Price comparison website
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1395 on: April 06, 2023, 11:54:59 PM »
We have new puppy who we named Minton.

Today he chewed all of my good shuttlecocks!

BAD Minton.
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

jeremyp

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1396 on: April 07, 2023, 02:21:37 PM »
Quote from: Nearly Sane on April 05, 2023, 11:38:30 PM
Vincent Price is taller than Alan Price. Who is heavier than Katie Price. As I discovered on this Price comparison website

There was a time when Jordan was featured in the tabloids almost constantly. In fact, if you can find a rare edition of the Sun without her, it's priceless.
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Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1397 on: April 07, 2023, 05:06:28 PM »
How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1398 on: April 07, 2023, 05:12:39 PM »
People say that circumcision doesn't hurt but I disagree.

I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn't walk for over a year.
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"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends.'
Albert Einstein

SteveH

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1399 on: April 07, 2023, 08:55:55 PM »
From the Book of Faces:
"...wetter than Stormy Daniels' fun box."
« Last Edit: April 07, 2023, 11:10:16 PM by SteveH »
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I have a pet termite. His name is Clint. Clint eats wood.
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