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Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.  (Read 194884 times)

Sebastian Toe

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1500 on: August 02, 2023, 07:31:00 PM »
Quote from: Aruntraveller on August 02, 2023, 05:06:21 PM
I have always wondered, do gun manuals have a troubleshooting section?
..or bullet points?

Can you rifle through them?


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Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1501 on: August 02, 2023, 07:33:09 PM »
Quote from: Sebastian Toe on August 02, 2023, 07:31:00 PM
..or bullet points?

Can you rifle through them?
With the online version, it's semi-automatic.
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"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1502 on: August 02, 2023, 07:43:22 PM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1503 on: August 03, 2023, 03:39:24 PM »
..
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1504 on: August 03, 2023, 07:28:48 PM »
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Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1505 on: August 04, 2023, 02:45:07 PM »
The labour politicians Nye Bevan and Ernest Bevin were at opposite ends of the Labour party spectrum, EB being right-wing, NB left-wing. They heartily disliked each other. Someone once said to Bevin that Nye Bevan was his own worst enemy. "Not while I'm alive, he ain't" replied Bevin.
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"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1506 on: August 07, 2023, 08:50:29 AM »
Barbieheimer
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Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1507 on: August 07, 2023, 10:43:26 AM »
The guide in an Irish museum pointed to the larger of two skulls in a display case, and said "That is the skull of King Brian Boru". A visitor asked whose the smaller skull was. The guide replied "That's Brian Boru as a child."
Dave Allen.
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"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1508 on: August 08, 2023, 07:45:40 AM »
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1509 on: August 08, 2023, 10:10:44 AM »
Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. - God is Love.

jeremyp

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1510 on: August 08, 2023, 02:25:24 PM »
Quote from: Sebastian Toe on August 02, 2023, 07:31:00 PM
..or bullet points?

Can you rifle through them?

If it's in magazine format, yes.
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bluehillside Retd.

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1511 on: August 08, 2023, 03:05:43 PM »
Seb,

Quote
Can you rifle through them?

Only if you're a man of the right calibre.
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SqueakyVoice

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1512 on: August 08, 2023, 06:26:58 PM »
As a kid, I practiced and practiced to join the schools Quidditch Team.

In the end, I flew through it.
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1513 on: August 10, 2023, 10:09:27 AM »
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jeremyp

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1514 on: August 10, 2023, 01:27:43 PM »
An engineer dies and goes to heaven. St Peter says "sorry, your can't come in. You're not on the list, so you have to go to Hell." So the engineer goes to Hell and introduces himself to Satan. After a while of living in Hell, he says to Satan "I can make this place much better if you let me."

"OK" says Satan and the engineer proceeds to install air conditioning and the temperature is soon a pleasant 21 degrees C. Then he installs a PA system so that everybody in Hell can listen to the best tunes.

Up in Heaven, God looks down at what is going on and realises he has made a mistake.

"Let me have that engineer back", he says to Satan.

"No."

"Let me have that engineer back, or I'll sue", says God.

"Oh yeah? And where are you going to find a lawyer?"
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Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1515 on: August 13, 2023, 10:05:53 AM »
True story.
A couple with a holiday cottage to let in Stratford-on-Avon put it on a website. Their text included "only 200 yards from Anne Hathaway's cottage". Some brainiac at the website decided to spice it up a bit. It ended up reading "only 200 yards from Hollywood star Anne Hathaway's cottage".
« Last Edit: August 13, 2023, 10:08:29 AM by SteveH »
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"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1516 on: August 14, 2023, 09:12:22 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1517 on: August 15, 2023, 08:36:58 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.⅚6
« Reply #1518 on: August 17, 2023, 10:33:36 AM »
The bloke who makes the giant eclairs at the local patisserie is retiring. Whoever replaces him has got some massive chouxs to fill.
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Aruntraveller

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1519 on: August 18, 2023, 03:18:53 PM »
I'm fat, but I identify as skinny - I'm trans-slender.
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If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. - God is Love.

Steve H

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1520 on: August 18, 2023, 03:53:46 PM »
Quote from: Aruntraveller on August 18, 2023, 03:18:53 PM
I'm fat, but I identify as skinny - I'm trans-slender.
I'm male, but I identify as a radical feminist female - I'm a trans-sister.
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"That bloke over there, out of Ultravox, is really childish."
"Him? Midge Ure?"
"Yes, very."

Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1521 on: August 18, 2023, 04:36:59 PM »
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1522 on: August 19, 2023, 11:42:09 AM »
Not new but popped up on my timeline. The Bam Whisperer


https://youtu.be/Cp9xVW6xi28
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jeremyp

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1523 on: August 19, 2023, 03:33:27 PM »
Quote from: SteveH on August 18, 2023, 03:53:46 PM
I'm male, but I identify as a radical feminist female - I'm a trans-sister.

I identify as a bankrupt airline. I'm Trans World Airways
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Nearly Sane

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Re: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.
« Reply #1524 on: August 21, 2023, 12:16:47 PM »
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