Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 159502 times)

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1550 on:** August 31, 2023, 07:39:46 PM »

What do you call a teenager staring at his phone with his headphones on?

Anything you like he can't hear you.

I SAID, ANYTHING YOU LIKE, HE CAN'T....

ANY. THING. YOU... TAKE YOUR HEADPHONES OFF.

I SAID TAKE YOUR HEADPHONES OFF!

HEAD. PHONES?...! OFF!

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1551 on:** September 01, 2023, 09:40:49 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1552 on:** September 01, 2023, 05:36:27 PM »

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1553 on:** September 01, 2023, 10:54:47 PM »

"Every morning I take my cow for a walk through the local vineyard"

"You don't mean?"

"Yes, I herd it through the grapevine"

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1554 on:** September 03, 2023, 02:57:13 PM »

If you ever think your job is pointless, there is a guy in Germany fitting the indicator units into BMW's.

SteveH · « **Reply #1555 on:** September 05, 2023, 07:29:24 AM »

I know lots of jokes about white sugar, but only a few about brown sugar. Demerara.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1556 on:** September 06, 2023, 06:34:45 PM »

Just noticed Bob Newhart was 94 yesterday

https://youtu.be/_XDxAzVEbN4?si=1qyqA_HmaSOL-7Z6

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1557 on:** September 08, 2023, 11:19:26 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1558 on:** September 09, 2023, 03:44:17 PM »

SteveH · « **Reply #1559 on:** September 10, 2023, 11:35:45 AM »

A man goes into a library and asks the librarian if they have any books on Pavlov's dogs or Schrodinger's cat. She replies "it rings a bell, but I don't know whether we've got any in or not".

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1560 on:** September 11, 2023, 11:58:37 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1561 on:** September 12, 2023, 06:09:34 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1562 on:** September 13, 2023, 10:00:30 AM »

I bought a twelve year old whisky.

His mum was furious.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1563 on:** September 13, 2023, 07:44:32 PM »

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1564 on:** September 14, 2023, 08:02:51 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1565 on:** September 15, 2023, 02:45:04 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1566 on:** September 18, 2023, 08:50:23 AM »

SteveH · « **Reply #1567 on:** September 18, 2023, 10:25:24 AM »

I've got a date with a woman who identifies as a wheelie bin. I can't remember if I'm taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday.

ekim · « **Reply #1568 on:** September 18, 2023, 12:00:20 PM »

Quote from: SteveH on September 18, 2023, 10:25:24 AM

I've got a date with a woman who identifies as a wheelie bin. I can't remember if I'm taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Well, be warned, I took her out last Thursday and got nothing sensible from her, just a load of rubbish.

SteveH · « **Reply #1569 on:** September 18, 2023, 02:38:45 PM »

How do they say "it is not in the tin" in Yorkshire?
"Tin tin tin."

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1570 on:** September 20, 2023, 12:35:35 PM »

The area between a Nando's front door and back door is called a Peri-Perineum

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1571 on:** September 20, 2023, 01:39:08 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1572 on:** September 20, 2023, 01:48:23 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1573 on:** September 20, 2023, 09:20:37 PM »

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1574 on:** September 20, 2023, 11:19:18 PM »

I decided to try giving blood for the first time today.
NEVER again!
The intrusive questions really put me off.

Where did you get it?
Who's is it?
Why did you bring it in two buckets?

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 159502 times)