More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny.

[Nearly Sane]

There was an explosion in the law enforcement toilet block.

Police have nothing to go on.



I'll get me coat.

They have said it's their priority but I think they are just going through the motions

[SteveH]

They have said it's their priority but I think they are just going through the motions

Like someone swimming at the British seaside. It's so polluted, even atheists can walk on the water.

[Sebastian Toe]

There was an explosion overnight at the paint factory.
The duty security guard is missing presumed red.

[Sebastian Toe]

There was an explosion at the national Napoleon museum.

It was blown apart.

[Nearly Sane]

I was having breakfast in a cafe this morning and two waitresses had a massive row over how long to leave a teabag in the cup and it got so bad it ended up in violence.
I asked the manager what had happened and she told me it had been brewing for ages.

[Aruntraveller]

At Nottingham Castle in the 12thC. the launch of the worlds first air friar was seen:

[bluehillside Retd.]

Seb,

There was an explosion overnight at the paint factory.
The duty security guard is missing presumed red.

I happened to be walking past that factory when it happened - the paint went all over me and the blast was so powerful it threw me all the way to a remote desert island...

... I was marooned.   

[jeremyp]

There was an explosion overnight at the paint factory.
The duty security guard is missing presumed red.

Actually, he's since been found. Instead of staying at his post, he ran away. Reports are that he is a bit yellow.

[Aruntraveller]

Guess what?

I got hit on the head by a can of Coke this morning. Don't worry though, I'm not hurt.

Coke is a soft drink

[bluehillside Retd.]

Arun,

Guess what?

I got hit on the head by a can of Coke this morning. Don't worry though, I'm not hurt.

Coke is a soft drink

I was walking by a road earlier when a car driver slowed down, wound down the window and threw a lump of cheese at me.

I thought: "Well, that's mature".

[Nearly Sane]

.

[bluehillside Retd.]

I went to see The Cure at a music festival recently, only to find that they'd cancelled at the last minute and been replaced by Placebo.

They were just as good though.

[Aruntraveller]

..

[SteveH]

.

[SteveH]

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Maybe it's a big horse.
Maybe it's a big horse who?
Maybe it's a big horse I'm a Londoner...

[Aruntraveller]

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

[Aruntraveller]

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

[SteveH]

.

[SteveH]

Poor little Rishi couldn't get a girlfriend when he was a kid.
No woman, no Sky..

[Aruntraveller]

..

[Nearly Sane]

.

[SteveH]

I've just looked at my bank statement and saw items which I hadn't bought.
A water pistol
Size 18 red shoes
A false red nose
Colourful trousers
A trumpet.....
I think my bank card  has been clowned.

[SteveH]

.

[jeremyp]

I've just looked at my bank statement and saw items which I hadn't bought.
A water pistol
Size 18 red shoes
A false red nose
Colourful trousers
A trumpet.....
I think my bank card  has been clowned.

You're lucky. My bank account shows the purchase of a box set of Doc Martin. It's been Cluned.

[Stranger]