The Tedium That Is Upon Us

[Keith Maitland]

Now the tedium that is Wimbledon is upon us, perhaps someone can explain why players have to bounce the ball a dozen times before serving?


--And why they ask for three balls from the ball boys/girls before throwing one away?


--And why do they have to brush their brows with a towel after every point, and make a pseudo-orgasmic din during the most mundane of matches?


--And who will be the first Wimbledon champion in years to raise his racket modestly in victory, rather than collapse...... as if shot by a sniper?


   

[Leonard James]

Keith, I think you are improving! You've found something to make a joke about! Well done! 

[Gordon]

Not only that, Keith, why can't they just have a simple scoring system instead of this 'love' and 'advantage' nonsense. Some sports have these type of rituals and/or special made-up words for things, which from the outside looking-in are laughable.

Golf is one such sport, where in my experience grown men (and it seems to be men for the most part) are prepared to wear garish clothing that they'd never wear anywhere else in order to hit a wee white ball in the general direction of a hole in the ground. Cricket is another that seems to have lots of odd names for things, as well as being interminably boring and dragging on for days at a time (from what I've seen in the news). Those that have fewer funny words just have to make do with just being boring, such as football, or darts, or snooker or .........ad infinitum.

Another thing: some sport is crucially important it seems, since whenever something happens it gets mentioned in the national news. I remember some years back prior to a World Cup (or whatever) an English football player got a sore toe - and it was headline news!

 

[ippy]

My wife goes into a trance for the sixmonhs of Wimbledon that I recently found out, is in fact only on for a fortnight, yawn.

ippy

[ippy]

Not only that, Keith, why can't they just have a simple scoring system instead of this 'love' and 'advantage' nonsense. Some sports have these type of rituals and/or special made-up words for things, which from the outside looking-in are laughable.

Golf is one such sport, where in my experience grown men (and it seems to be men for the most part) are prepared to wear garish clothing that they'd never wear anywhere else in order to hit a wee white ball in the general direction of a hole in the ground. Cricket is another that seems to have lots of odd names for things, as well as being interminably boring and dragging on for days at a time (from what I've seen in the news). Those that have fewer funny words just have to make do with just being boring, such as football, or darts, or snooker or .........ad infinitum.

Another thing: some sport is crucially important it seems, since whenever something happens it gets mentioned in the national news. I remember some years back prior to a World Cup (or whatever) an English football player got a sore toe - and it was headline news!

If you think golf is boring, try listening to it on the radio, yes golf on the radio?

ippy

[floo]

Blimey I actually AGREE with Keith for once!

[Brownie]

My wife goes into a trance for the sixmonhs of Wimbledon that I recently found out, is in fact only on for a fortnight, yawn.

ippy

Ippy, you never cease to make me laugh, you are funny.
I used to do the same as your wife at one time, also watched the Stella Artois at Queens which followed and the American Open, and anything else.....Gave it up some years ago.

[jeremyp]

Now the tedium that is Wimbledon is upon us, perhaps someone can explain why players have to bounce the ball a dozen times before serving?

They need to make sure that the ball will actually bounce, because if it didn't, it would be unfair to the opposing player.

--And why they ask for three balls from the ball boys/girls before throwing one away?

That's a misconception, they never throw away the ball children, they recycle them for the sausage sandwiches on the "All Day Breakfast" stall.

--And why do they have to brush their brows with a towel after every point, and make a pseudo-orgasmic din during the most mundane of matches?

Because sex can be a sweaty, noisy business.

--And who will be the first Wimbledon champion in years to raise his racket modestly in victory, rather than collapse...... as if shot by a sniper?

Another misconception. They are actually tasered.

[wigginhall]

Bouncing the ball is interesting, as many sports have repetitive rituals like this, which aid concentration.    You see this in cricket, where batsmen regularly patrol their area, do some gardening, and generally look like they have St Vitus dance.  Focus.  I nearly forgot, I like tennis.

[Brownie]

Why do cricketers always rub their balls on their ..... private areas?

[wigginhall]

Why do cricketers always rub their balls on their ..... private areas?

They're miming a pawnbrokers.

[Brownie]

 

[wigginhall]

It's an old joke, Brownie, and there are many others, involving balls, middle wickets, boxes, all very childish and necessary, no doubt. 

[floo]

Why do cricketers always rub their balls on their ..... private areas?

Maybe they get a better shine that way, like with like etc! Oh dear that is BAD!

[Brownie]

On the contrary, it is EXCELLENT!!!

[Bubbles]

Cricket is one of life's mysteries to me.

There is a tea towel you can get, describes it thus:

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out.
When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.
When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!


 

Yup! Non the wiser 

[Brownie]

I want a teatowel like that!
Now to football.  Do you know of one that can explain the offside rule to me?

[ippy]

I want a teatowel like that!
Now to football.  Do you know of one that can explain the offside rule to me?

There's nothing to top Georg Bernard Shaw's quote about cricket: "Cricket invented by the English, it gives them more understanding of eternity", now how can anybody top that?

ippy 

[ad_orientem]

Bouncing the ball is interesting, as many sports have repetitive rituals like this, which aid concentration.    You see this in cricket, where batsmen regularly patrol their area, do some gardening, and generally look like they have St Vitus dance.  Focus.  I nearly forgot, I like tennis.

Yes. Nearly all sports psychologists advocate having a routine of some sort. It's a subject I've read quite a bit about. it doesn't really matter what it is as long as it aids concentration, going through the same steps every time.

[Bubbles]

I want a teatowel like that!
Now to football.  Do you know of one that can explain the offside rule to me?

Dunno but Amazon does the cricket one along with some other ones 

http://tinyurl.com/hktzwvw

[ippy]

Dunno but Amazon does the cricket one along with some other ones 

http://tinyurl.com/hktzwvw

The cricket tea towel takes forever to be delivered.

ippy

[Brownie]

Thanks for the link.
I will googly it.

[Harrowby Hall]

What puzzles me about tennis players - particularly male ones - is how they speak in post-match interviews. They have a vocal and verbal fluency that sounds as though  they were rejected prototypes for speak-your-weight machines.

[Brownie]

I have thought that myself if not in those words.  However all sports seem to have their own particular type of 'sport-speak' and tone.   
Tennis commentators are usually ex-tennis players or ex-champions so we expect a lot of that, however I remember with nostalgia Dan Maskell who was wonderfully understated in his commentary.

[jeremyp]

I want a teatowel like that!
Now to football.  Do you know of one that can explain the offside rule to me?

A player is in an offside position if he/she is in the opposing team's half of the field and is also nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second-last opponent. Note, this is not an automatic offence.

It is an offence if a team mate tries to pass the ball to that player or he/she interferes with the opponents e.g. by unsighting them or blocking them or he/she gains some advantage e.g. by collecting the ball off a rebound off the goal post.

There are exceptions for goal kicks, corners and throw ins.

That's about it.