So you're a YEC, then?
The closest anyone can get to what Sparky believes is that his god was living on another planet when he discovered some universal secret-y thing and the rest of the inhabitants of said planet kicked him off, because science.
Said god wandered around the universe until he found planet Earth. At this point, the Earth had evolved its own life but it had all died out completely, because dinosaurs.
God decided to bring life back to this dead Earth and used the dead animals and plants and that and made living things, because electricity.
At that point his god thought some of the monkeys he'd created/ recreated could be made to worship him, so he co-opted an itinerant jewish preacher to spread the word, and the word was, no wanking.
Because the monkeys did keep wanking, this god decided he'd throw the planet out of its orbit which will kill the monkeys and stop the wanking, and this will definitely happen soon.