Dealing with death.

[Anchorman]

 This article jogged a memory. What now seems very unusual was once commonplace...dealing with a death in the home, rather than letting others take the sight of a corpse away. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-39843495

[Robbie]

One of my mum's grandmothers was kept at home after she died. She was embalmed and people came to view her. It was before I was born but Mum sometimes talks about it saying it was the usual thing to do. Seems kind but most people nowadays would find it a unnerving (as if a dead loved one would hurt them)_, Most have never even seen a dead perso,n.not even a parent. Death is taboo unfortunately.

[Anchorman]

My dad died when I was four. I have a very hazy mempory of a big wooden box thing in the living room, while everyone ate in the kitchen or bedrooms for a couple of days. That was the norm right into the '60's, till the 'sanitisation' of death became the norm. Nowadays, very few young folk have ever seen a corpse at any time, or been in close proximity to a coffin, for that matter. I think the wake or spending time with the deceased helps the grieving process in many cases.

[floo]

I would have no wish to see the dead body of a family member if it could be avoided, I prefer to remember how they were in life.

[Anchorman]

I would have no wish to see the dead body of a family member if it could be avoided, I prefer to remember how they were in life.

-
Each to their own, floo - but I've conducted several funerals, and I've had relatives who were petrified at the thought of viewing their loved ones.
However, when their friends persuaded them to go to the room where the body was laid out, I must say that in several instances, the change was very evident - the relatives became calm, and at peace.

[Harrowby Hall]

I would have no wish to see the dead body of a family member if it could be avoided, I prefer to remember how they were in life.

The opportunities I had to spend time with my wife's body before her cremation were very precious to me. They helped me come to terms with her death.

[Anchorman]

The opportunities I had to spend time with my wife's body before her cremation were very precious to me. They helped me come to terms with her death.

-

Indeed, HH.
The first time I recall seeing an actual corpse (well, a modern one, rather than the Egyptian mummies), was, coincidentally, the first time I conducted a funeral.
The family had no church connections and didn't want a celebrant - they knew me very well (I'll explain why in a sec), so they asked me, though at the time I had no training.

This was 1994, and the deceased was - technically - my fiancee.
OK, we knew her time was short, and we'd been close friends for years, and her last few months were tortuous - so, with her family's consent, I  gave Jane an engagement ring.
Her death was a release, and I spent hours with her - sometimes alone, sometimes with her parents - before the funeral, and those hours, like yours, were cathartic.
In a way you'll understand, they were healing - more so than the funeral, which took place in the middle of a driving snowstorm, and was conducted with haste - in case some of the mourners caught chills and decided to join her.

[Ricky Spanish]

Yeah, Hmm, errrr, uhmmm... There is something morbid about an open casket viewing... I found myself looking for the stitch marks under the caked on makeup last time.... why do we bury people these days?

Why not just scatter the ashes?

Death should be celebrated not mourned...

[Robbie]

Anchor said earlier on, each to their own, and he's right.

It does help people to grieve if they see the deceased, at peace. Plenty of people are with someone they love when they die anyway.

Wakes and the like, periods of mourning, help many people to feel supported and eventually move on so don't knock it, if it's not for you it's right for others..

We've done away with a lot of our rituals and customs, not always a good thing.

[ad_orientem]

One of my mum's grandmothers was kept at home after she died. She was embalmed and people came to view her. It was before I was born but Mum sometimes talks about it saying it was the usual thing to do. Seems kind but most people nowadays would find it a unnerving (as if a dead loved one would hurt them)_, Most have never even seen a dead perso,n.not even a parent. Death is taboo unfortunately.

When members of the family have died we've always been to see the body. It is weird, of course, but I always saw it as a chance to see them just one more time. Especially when my brother died, I just gave him a kiss on the forehead and said I hope we meet again in the next life.

[Robbie]

That's rather nice ad_o.

When women had a stillbirth years ago the baby was usually taken away quickly and not seen by mother or father. That must have been terrible, i think I wouldn't quite believe my baby was dead unless I saw him or her & I'd want a memory of the little one. That isn't done now, there's more sensitivity, they spend time with their baby.

[Nearly Sane]

Thanks to Robinson I found I had posted a similar link. To me the dead bodies I have held were exactly that, dead. I can understand why there might be a difference for my wife, but also why that  difference  might fall on the other side as being even less than most bodies.

[floo]

That's rather nice ad_o.

When women had a stillbirth years ago the baby was usually taken away quickly and not seen by mother or father. That must have been terrible, i think I wouldn't quite believe my baby was dead unless I saw him or her & I'd want a memory of the little one. That isn't done now, there's more sensitivity, they spend time with their baby.

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks in 1972, I certainly wouldn't have wished to see the remains of the foetus. I think I would have felt the same if I had carried a baby to term but it was dead.

[Aruntraveller]

This is one of those issues that is, of course, intensely personal.

For myself, whenever someone has died I try to view the body. Be it relatives or friends. Not always possible with friends but I find it gives a sense of completion or resolution, I'm struggling to find the right word. I don't want to use the word closure because that is not right as I am not sure any of us ever really get closure over the death of a close loved one.

I do think the viewing of the body helps me come to terms with the finality of death.

[floo]

This is one of those issues that is, of course, intensely personal.

For myself, whenever someone has died I try to view the body. Be it relatives or friends. Not always possible with friends but I find it gives a sense of completion or resolution, I'm struggling to find the right word. I don't want to use the word closure because that is not right as I am not sure any of us ever really get closure over the death of a close loved one.

I do think the viewing of the body helps me come to terms with the finality of death.

I have never had any problem coming to terms with someone dying, even of someone of whom I had been fond like my maternal grandmother. I have never felt any grief.

[Anchorman]

Thanks to Robinson I found I had posted a similar link. To me the dead bodies I have held were exactly that, dead. I can understand why there might be a difference for my wife, but also why that  difference  might fall on the other side as being even less than most bodies.

I've never treated a dead body as a mere item, or as an object of interest, NS.
Even when taking part in an OU summer school activity,scanning a 2000 year old Egyptian mummy of a girl who died in Roman Egypt, I was always conscious that what I touched, what I held, was once a vibrant human being, and felt both honoured - and a touch sad - that I was doing so.

[Rhiannon]

I've never felt the need to see a relative after they have died, nor visit a grave. Regardless of where my beliefs have been, I have always been aware that the person is gone.

At the same time though I feel deeply uncomfortable whenever I see dead people on display in museums, skeletal remains even more so than mummies. It seems disrespectful.

I find the story in the OP deeply touching. If I had someone that I loved like that maybe I'd do the same. I've no idea.

[Anchorman]

I've never felt the need to see a relative after they have died, nor visit a grave. Regardless of where my beliefs have been, I have always been aware that the person is gone.

At the same time though I feel deeply uncomfortable whenever I see dead people on display in museums, skeletal remains even more so than mummies. It seems disrespectful.

I find the story in the OP deeply touching. If I had someone that I loved like that maybe I'd do the same. I've no idea.

- I used to feel the same about mummies, Rhi - that viewing them was somehow disturbing them, violating the customs of those who created them - but when I realised that most of the 'royals' on display in Cairo were actually only there because the Egyptians themselves had stripped them of their gold and unceremoniously rewrapped them, writing crude labels - almost like luggage labels - to identify them, and dumping them in 'cache' tombs to basically get rid of them, my unease evaporated.
However, since the 'mummy room' in Cairo was closed and its' occupants put on display as a kind of family tree in corridors - I must confess a feeling of disapproval. Yes, these were historically important people - some of the greatest names in the ancient world - but they were, first and foremost, people, and should be treated with respect.
Like you, I'm not one for visiting graves - what is in them, though the remains of someone I knew and loved, is not that person, whose essence has left the body.

[Aruntraveller]

I was always conscious that what I touched, what I held, was once a vibrant human being, and felt both honoured - and a touch sad - that I was doing so.

Good that.

[Rhiannon]

My local museum has two anonymous skeletons on display underneath the floor, with a glass cover. They were found in a local medieval burial ground and serve no purpose other than to give visiting school kids something to be gruesome about. I really don't like it.

[Anchorman]

My local museum has two anonymous skeletons on display underneath the floor, with a glass cover. They were found in a local medieval burial ground and serve no purpose other than to give visiting school kids something to be gruesome about. I really don't like it.

-
The solution to that is in a local museum - the Dick institute in Kilmarnock.
When a Kist buirial dating to the lBeaker people was found virtually intact, laser scans were made of the find in situ - so that each and every bone and object was copied in exact measurement. The remains had to be removed as the area was being developecd, but the artefacts were recreated from the scans and painted to look as they were found on their discovery: the original remains being taken to store In Glasgow Uni.

[Nearly Sane]

I've never treated a dead body as a mere item, or as an object of interest, NS.
Even when taking part in an OU summer school activity,scanning a 2000 year old Egyptian mummy of a girl who died in Roman Egypt, I was always conscious that what I touched, what I held, was once a vibrant human being, and felt both honoured - and a touch sad - that I was doing so.

It's odd, i can understand your view but it just isn't something I share. 

[Robbie]

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks in 1972, I certainly wouldn't have wished to see the remains of the foetus. I think I would have felt the same if I had carried a baby to term but it was dead.

You think that but you don't know floo.  A three month miscarriage is not the same as a stillborn baby. A tiny foetus does not look like a little baby.
However I don't know how you could have avoided seeing the foetus - I too miscarried the same and could see it, small though it was. I didn't grieve over that, it had been such a horrible experience all i wanted to do was sleep.

[floo]

You think that but you don't know floo.  A three month miscarriage is not the same as a stillborn baby. A tiny foetus does not look like a little baby.
However I don't know how you could have avoided seeing the foetus - I too miscarried the same and could see it, small though it was. I didn't grieve over that, it had been such a horrible experience all i wanted to do was sleep.

I was put under so it could be removed, which is apparently what they did in those days, no doubt it was thrown away. I went on to have a full term baby the following year, so no problem. I know I wouldn't have wished to have seen a still born baby of mine. As I have said before I have no wish to see the dead bodies of any of my relatives. I am not squeamish about dead bodies, I have laid out a good number in my time without it bothering me, I just prefer to remember relatives as they were in life.

[Robbie]

A lot of people feel as you do floo & here's no right or wrong about it.

I get what you said about the miscarriage as you went into hospital while you were miscarrying so wouldn't have seen anything. Mine was at home so different & like i said, i didn't grieve, just glad the pain was over, itwasn't like having a full term baby.