Floo said she didn't have that problem so really doesn't know how she would have struck the balance between trust and overseeing.
Mine used computers from quite young (kids didn't have mobiles then), and frankly they understood them better than I! I only knew what i needed to know for work. My husband was more proficient but it never occurred to us to spy on the girls. Yes we did trust them for better or worse. My parents trusted me (didn't have computers then but there have always been dangers), of course they didn't know everything but I was alright.
It's very sad to think that 9 year old girls are worried about their genitalia, at that age it's usually all neat and tidy. I remember when I was 12 or so wondering if mine was normal as it seemed to have changed so much. Though i`generlly talked to my mum about things quite freely I couldn't quite ask her about that. After a while I didn't worry about it. Girls at school talked about theirs and I realised we were all much the same.
Plastic surgery in such a delicate area is so drastic! If kids have seen neat little-girl-type minges on porn sites they should know that those who produce porn - airbrush and even put make up on genitals. It's all fake.
Boys who see that sort of stuff must have a completely distorted idea about a woman's body & vice versa. Also about what is and isn't acceptable. Porn is horrible when you think many kids get their sex education from it on their 'phones now. Never mind the craze for taking a photo of your bits and distributing it.
Anatomy must be taught in detail so fact and fiction can be separated - and feelings talked about.
(My eldest once talked about girls having their clit pierced, like an ear piercing only 'down there'. She'd heard about it at school and couldn't believe it. Neither could i and made some comment about how a girl with a piercing there would be aware of it all the time. My youngest,then about twelve piped up, "That's why they have it done!" .)
I don't give parents a grilling before they are allowed to have my kids in their house. It's called 'trust'.
I wouldn't like drug taking in front of my kids but 'do you snort coke while your kids have friends over' isn't something I feel the need to ask.
You're right (tho' can't imagine parents taking drugs in front of kids). If your children are confident in themselves, and in you, they'll be able to set their own limits & respect the trust you put in them.
Sensible parents are also aware that there will be a few things about their childrens' lives that they don't know & that's normal too.