I know what you mean, PD. I love my parents to bits but in many ways I've learned how not to be from them, if that makes sense. I've consciously parented in a very different way, have very different ideas on what constitutes 'shocking' behaviour, different ideas on relationships, faith, politics, war, the environment... a lot of their generations' ideas really weren't healthy.
If we were products or only products of our background - meaning parents; meaning upbringing - then I, at my venerable age - a point in life where my beard is as much white as it is black - would still be mired in the entirely casual, entirely automatic and reflexive, entirely thoughtless, wholly non-malicious racism of my raising.
No, not racism, as there was no element of malice, spite or hatred in it; not even xenophobia neither; more like neophobia - where the new, the strange, the unfamiliar, the not-encountered-before was automatically suspect and something to be wary of, from Chinese food (
I would try it but I might not like it) to people with dark brown skin who might wear unfamiliar clothing and who may well cook food with unfamilar smells wafting out of the kitchen window. Such is an upbringing in an extremely insular family in an extremely insular village/rural community in the blank bit of the middle of nowhere where almost everybody is white and everybody is assumed to be straight and everybody is employed and only a select few, slightly different people know what a chicken jalfrezi is and whether you're supposed to eat it, unblock drains with it or rub it on your chest if you have a cold.
I don't mean to sound harsh: the old saying about taking the boy out of the country though not vicky versa applies. A large part of me is still in it and I've never wanted it any other way, since at least some of the values and ideals it gave are with me - sometimes a little uneasily - to this day; good manners; respect for all, especially elders; hard work; thrift/living within your means - and I think those good things, however qualified.
On the other kettle of fish I know that a greater proportion of what I think of as my ideals have come from outside - breadth of mind, broadness of outlook, not merely passive tolerance of but active embrace of difference; these are not really things I grew up with but things I have developed, on the basis that I think I was gifted by nature - and I do think it was a gift of random chance - with the desire to know stuff, to have wider horizons.