Thank you for your reply. If you totally lacked belief in any God, i.e. you were an atheist, how did you come to believe, or what was said to you, that encouraged you to believe that such a myth could exist? If you knew before hand that there are no God/god/s, how did you convince yourself that there was?
You're welcome. Not sure I can break my thought process down for you and convey the accompanying emotions that made up my belief in words but I'll give it a shot.
In my teens, as an atheist - it was more than just lacking belief and not talking about it for me - it was more like an ideology to follow which involved coming up with arguments to convert other people to my way of thinking because theists seemed irritatingly deluded and backward even if they weren't proselytising, and if what they said was unconvincing to me I could not see what the point was of them continuing to believe what they believed based on dodgy reasoning. I was excited by this new, clever idea I had arrived at in atheism, thought I was cleverer than the deluded theists, and thought I was doing them a favour by educating them. I did not see anything in their beliefs of any benefit to me. Because of the school I went to I was mostly exposed to white, middle class Christians and the whole God is all-loving, sacrificed his son, and Jesus died for our sins message and the love and sacrifice martyr angle just doesn't appeal to me.
In my early twenties, I was exposed to a lot more people at university, less sure I knew everything or that my thinking was always right, I was more open-minded about friendships because I felt less of a connection with the type of people I used to hang around with before and I met some really down to earth theists at university and witnessed benefits to their beliefs. I also accepted there is a tiny possibility a god of some kind could exist at it was impossible to rule out.
The few Muslims friends I had at university were a lot less sentimental about this whole God thing, so that made the concept of a god a bit more palatable. I started hanging out with them and their family a lot more. I was still arguing with them about their deluded beliefs and one day I opened a Quran in their house to find evidence to show them how deluded they were, and some of the stuff I read in there just seemed surprisingly perceptive about my thoughts and behaviour - stuff that I wouldn't admit out loud but I recognised when I read it. I wasn't expecting that in some poetry book from 7th century desert Arab times So maybe that was the moment that the tiny possibility of a god of some kind gained a little more traction.
I guess it was a series of similar little experiences that led me to giving more stuff a try, and being surprised that I got a real benefit from it and felt like I had a useful direction to aim for, which far outweighed my need for certainty and proof. It's annoying because this belief doesn't make any sense, as there still isn't any proof, but it's not annoying enough to give it up.