I have no wish to denigrate your experience in any way. Whatever you experienced is entirely your own affair.
I would just like to point out the differences that seem to be between thee and me. Firstly, I have always read any part of scripture with an open and enquiring mind, but, never, reluctantly. Perhaps one of the reasons, for me, is that no one has ever forced me to read scripture. Secondly, I have, as far back as I can remember, always accepted that just about any god is a possibility, so I have never been in the position of admitting that God is a possibility. Thirdly, the idea of God being a possibility doesn't seem to have had the significance for me that you seem to attach to it, hence I have never felt the impulse to search for this God on a personal level. Fourthly, the idea of surrendering myself to a god which just might exist is, for me, a rather meaningless concept. Fifthly, I have never to my knowledge felt any awareness of your God.
So, I take on board what you say, Anchs, but I tend to think that we are all products of our nature and nurture, and tend to have greatly different views about such things.
Reluctantly?
You bet./
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From wherre I stood back in 1977, all religions were bunkum, pure and simple.
I blame the Boys' Brigade...or its' captain, rather.
He'd been dishing out classes for the senior Boys to teach, and gave me "International" - a badge dealing with the BB overseas, and expasion of the movement.
He suggested I read Acts...so I did, and verse 8 stuck like an earworm - sdon't ask me why. It wasn't a text dealing with sin, or repentence, or whatever, but it stuck nonetheless.
I had to deal with it, so I looked at the expansionist church...Bawmber Gasgoine (atheist)'s "The Christians" was helpful, even if I didn't believe.
God, apparently, had other ideas.
It was trying to deal with that earworm that put me on my knees on that night in 1977. logic went out the window...that sense of His presence was overwhelming, and made any objections to silly concepts of logic irrelevent.
Is what happened logical?
Who cares - I certaintly don't. Logic isn't everything.