I thought that was what I was broadly saying. You seem to be confusing me with somebody who is given to saying that or this marriage isn't a proper marriage but that's what I'm accusing you of because as you've said, anything short of a state marriage isn't a marriage.
I think that the overwhelming position would be that if you aren't legally married then you aren't married. And that would be the position of both 'the state' as you might describe it, but also the individuals in that state.
I simply don't recognise this notion that you can not be legally married but are somehow considered still to be married. Being legally married and being married are, in my opinion, the same thing.